Cinnamon Buns (Camren)

Chapter Fourteen Part II

Lauren's POV

"Are you alright Lauren?" Camila asked after we got up from the kitchen floor.

"I'm fine I promise, it's was just hard to hear." I insured.

I looked at her and she had a look of uncertainty in her eyes.

"What's with the look?" I asked her.

She shakes her head. "It's nothing." She says.

I study her face more knowing that it wasn't nothing, there was definitely something. "What is it Camila?" I asked her.

She took a breath. "Do you still have feelings for Nick?" She asked.

I was shocked by her question but I held her gaze steadily. "I don't Camila." I said to her.

"Are you sure Lauren, you were just balling your eyes out over him." She said her eyes pleading for assurance.

I take her hands and I pull her to me. "I understand you feeling that way Camila but I promise I don't feel anything for him." I said honestly, I didn't feel anything for him not anymore.

"I want to believe that Lauren I really do, but it's hard and I struggle with it and you crying over him doesn't make it any better." She admits.

"Believe it Camila, I hold no feelings for him and I haven't in a long while." I said.

"Lauren you married him at one point you decided you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him, you had children with him. You two share a connection and you always will and that's scary for me, the way you were just crying over him scares me." Camila voiced a tear rolling down her cheek.

I lift my hand up to wipe the tear away I felt bad, I had no feelings for Nick whatsoever but there was no way of Camila knowing that for sure. For the first time Camila is speaking up about her insecurities and they were completely valid, she had every right to feel the way that she does.

"Your right Camila, I did marry him he was the one I chose to spend the rest of my life with. So I don't blame you for feeling the way that you do, but please believe me when I tell you that I have no feelings for Nick." I said wanting to reassure her.

"Why were you crying Lauren, if he doesn't matter to you why were you crying?" She asked wanting an explanation.

"He fucking broke me Camila, I loved him so much and that was all just shit to him." I felt tears form in my eyes again but I tried hard to contain them. "I cried because it hurt, I cried because I felt disgusted and confused, I cried because I married a piece of shit man and had children with him. I cried because I was tired of feeling shitty, I cried because of everyone telling me I was a bad mother for leaving him. I cried because I'm relieved, I got out of a marriage I wasn't happy in I made a decision to leave him and it was a good one. I held onto so many things after my marriage ended, things that I didn't even know I was holding onto. Resentment, anger, hurt, I had to let all of that go. I wasn't crying over Nick, Camila he no longer has the strength to hurt me so it's no reason to cry over him. Hearing that confession just confirmed what I already knew, he's a piece of shit that I don't want nothing to do with ever." I finished explaining.

Camila just looked at me not saying a word she was still having doubts I could tell.

I looked at her and ran my hand through my hair. "When I look at my sons all I think about is wanting the best for them, my very mission in life is to make sure they have everything they could possibly need. Those two beautiful boys in there are absolutely everything to me their happiness comes before mine. And that's fine, I'm happy as long as they are honestly. They notice when I'm sad or upset even when I've tried my hardest to cover it up so I try harder eventually you learn to repress your feeling, I mean it's so much better than feeling shitty. So in that moment I was allowed to let it out because it built up inside of me for so long, I was just letting it go. I really don't have any other way to explain this Camila; I really just want you to believe me." I said not knowing what else to say.

"This is so hard Lauren; it's hard because I love you so much I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to wake up one day and realize you want your husband back." She expressed.

I tilt my head looking at Camila, I loved her so much and I just wanted her to believe it. So not really thinking about it I pulled her to me and kissed her deeply placing every ounce of affection I felt for her into that kiss. When I pulled from her she looked at me with shock that was the last thing she was expecting. I lift my hands pushing her hair back; I held her face and caressed her cheeks tenderly with my thumbs.

"You know I want so badly to be annoyed with you for doubting me but I can't, because I love you so fucking much I don't care. If you want I will continue explaining until you believe it to your core because I'm just that dedicated to you. I understand your doubts but I will do everything in my power to ease them." I keep my gaze steady on her; I move my hands from her face putting them on her sides. "Relationships are not definite Camz something can always go wrong we're humans it's natural, but I know for a fact that we have control over our own feelings. I fell in love with you Camila wholly and completely, and I choose for whatever reason to continue to love you until I'm no longer able to. I don't want Nick or anyone else I want you, Camzi you are my everything and I want you to know that, I need you to know that." I said I could feel myself slowly crumbling because I didn't know how much longer I could take her silence.

She starts biting her lip, her eyes shifting as she mulled it over. "Do not hurt me Lauren." Camila finally said.

"I'm in this thing for the long haul, so you don't hurt me." I countered.

Camila's arm rises up and she caresses my upper arm slowly with the back of her hand. "You scare me so much Lauren you have the ability to snatch my heart out and rip it to tiny pieces. In a way I hate that you have so much power over me, I have become so attached to you and your sons and thinking that I could lose you devastates me. I've made myself completely vulnerable to you mentally and physically, so being sure before moving any farther is a must because the deeper we get into this the harder it will be. I love you Lauren, and I'm willing to be with you as long as you agree to guard my heart because it's yours." She verbalized.

"As long as you protect mine." I smiled at her squeezing her sides affectionately.

She returns my smile. "Always." She says with finality.

"Always."

She connected our lips and we kissed the kiss was eloquent and her passion and love for me was fluent. She was it for me it wasn't possible for me to feel this way with anyone else; I felt her affection through every nerve-ending on my body like jolts of electricity pulsating through me. As our lips moved together I knew it then-Camila is my future.

...

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