Origami Girl

Chapter 26: The Fields of Frozen Tears I

Origami Girl

Chapter 26: The Fields of Frozen Tears I

"What have I to regret? Not in this world can we wed each other, but remember, not only in the next world shall we be husband and wife, but also in the world beyond, in the world beyond that, and so further and even further."

- Chikamatsu Monzaemon, The Love Suicides at Amijima

We're all going to go one day. A tragic accident, a handful of pills, an unforgiving rope; none of it matters. The end was ever the same. There's no stopping it, it was a cold, hard fact, chilling and lacking warmth, just like the pale, lifeless fingers of a hanging corpse.

We're all going to go one day. That was the statement that I had been repeating, echoing in my mind. I said it to myself as I packed the last of my belongings. I said it to myself as I sat on that train to Sapporo, on that harrowing journey as the train sped past the frozen paddies, rows of rice which had turned into fields of pure white snow.

"We're all going to go one day."

I guess that was the only thing I could say. It wasn't a whimsical lie I made up in attempt to comfort myself. It was a fact, and I took comfort in truthful, unchanging facts.

I slept for the most part on the ride to Sapporo. My parents had offered to get me an air ticket, but I insisted on getting there by rail. I just wanted to. The pace was slower and I could gather my thoughts.

My aunt informed me beforehand that Shuuya-kun would be meeting me at the station, as she had something urgent to attend to. My cousin and I didn't necessarily get along when we were younger but at that point in time, as I looked out of the train window, watching the fields of snow turn to street after street of buildings, I couldn't really care less. Shuuya-kun wasn't going to be a big deal. I was just here to stay at their house and attend lectures.

Whatever excitement I had within to begin a fresh start in Sapporo was slaughtered by the memory of what happened on graduation day. I couldn't help but think of Yukino-kun when the train pulled into the station. It was just like the time when both him and I escaped from school to visit his late grandfather. I smiled to myself. Those memories of him, they will never leave me.

The keychain jingled as I put my phone away. It was then when the train came to a complete stop, and the announcements went on informing us that we have arrived in Sapporo. After waiting for the aisle to clear, I brought down my trolley luggage from the upper shelf and prepared to leave.

I stepped out of the train and onto the busy platform. It had been months since I set foot in Sapporo. I wondered if Ms Nakayama was still working there, it had been a week since it happened, I guess she had eventually returned to her job. It may not be my first time in Sapporo, but it was definitely my first time being there alone. Life is truly strange, fleeting, unpredictable. It was hard to believe that just a few months before in autumn Yukino-kun and I were walking down this very same platform, yet now he was far, far away and never to return.

Winter break had truly been difficult for me. Helplessness and denial merged and swivelled in the murky depths of my mind. My mind was tired out trying to come up with reasons for how he could. . . how he could do something as horrible as what he did. I tried to give up on that painful, repetitive question, but it kept on persisting.

Kashiwagi-kun and Sayaka-chan did kept me company for a while though, even helping me pack some things in my room. It was not too much of a help, but their company was truly nice to have. Kashiwagi-kun had left earlier for Sapporo before I did, considering he has his own apartment to clear and things to organise.