painkillers

rambling words

she closed her book silently. her mind went deeper and deeper more than she ever had. thinking why does this happen to her. she gulped as she stare on the floor.

reading was one of her favorite things to do. but maybe not today.

she knew someone is caring about her. someone was trying to get to know her. even though she didn't know why. she didn't want even know why this guy care. 

at first, her thoughts were running wild. wondering why he came to her life. why would someone as cold as him come at the first place. but as usual, she didn't really care. 

she enjoyed it. too much. learning that that guy was not as cold as she thought. actually he was warm. warm enough to comfort her. 

but by the time she opened the book, she knew the truth 

that guy never had the same feeling

like she had since that guy successfully completed the puzzle she never get to be done

like she had since that guy rambling random words about his life

like she had since that guy accidentally put his hand on her hand

he was never gonna give his heart. 

because he already gave it to another girl. 

which was better than her

so better

maybe nearly perfect

she read the book slowly. words by words. they torn her apart. as she tried to sit still. even though her whole world fell apart.

maybe it was her fault. for believing her feeling. maybe it was her fault. for giving in.

she shuts her eyes. bit her lips until its numb. holding her tears. so it wouldnt stream down on her cheek

by the time she opened her eyes, she decided. 

she knew she would never be enough for him. she knew it all along. she wouldn't deny it anymore. 

she would accept it and be gone. she planned to be away. 

as far as she could, as long as it takes to cure her heart.

because her heart was not broken.

it was dead.