The Immortal Cure

25. Impossible

"It may take me a bit to get this out" He started "I'm not very good with words, or telling people how I really feel, so bear with me"
There was a long pause as I waited for him to continue.
My heart was already doing little flips inside my chest. He seemed awfully vulnerable and it was something I rarely got to see.

"It took all my strength to let you leave with Ryde and Dodge, Rosie. I've never wanted to tackle someone so badly in my entire life" His voice was low, his eyes wandering.
"Watching you walk out the door with them" He had said 'them' like it was a filthy word
"It killed me. I was in that much of a rage when I returned here, Riley and Parry had to calm me down. And I know I've been very confusing, with you, and it's frustrated you, but it's only because there are two sides of me, fighting one another" He kept his eyes distant
"One side is telling me to give in to what I really want, but the other is telling me to be sensible and keep away" He tried to explain.
He was practically fighting with his heart and his head. I knew the feeling.

"I realized that after you had been taken, one side in particular had won"
Once again my heart attempted to jump from my chest. I watched closely, terrified.
"Look" He started, grasping my hands with his "Its obvious that I care about you. We can stop playing games and see where things go, but I just want you to take into consideration the risks you'd be taking" He stopped, watching me cautiously.
He was admitting to me what I had assumed.
There was something between us.

Of course I wanted it, but of course I didn't want the risks that were attached to it. I tossed up the pros and cons in my head.

"You don't have to choose right away, I don't expect you too" He cut me from the war that was going on.
Heart, head, heart, head... the internal conversation continued as we sat in silence.

I wanted to give things a go, I knew that, and as for the risks, I was already in danger, it couldn't get any worse than it already was, could it? If I was with Duke, I liked to believe that I was safe.
Unfortunately, a small part of my brain jumped in. The risk of Duke losing control of his anger and snapping my neck, was high, Anna was a clear for example for that. Did I want that to happen to me? Of course I didn't, but I wanted to believe that he wouldn't ever hurt me too.
He was the one part of my life that had felt normal, despite not being normal.
It was programmed inside of me. It was right.

"I do. I do want this, I'm just-"

"Unsure?" He finished for me

I nodded and gave him an apologetic smile

"I understand" He nodded back, moving his hand from mine and back to his lap.
He stood to leave, but I stopped him, reaching my hand and to take a hold of his wrist. He turned his head sideways, but didn't directly look at me.

"Do you have to go?" I asked, sounding desperate. I didn't want him to go. I wanted him to stay with me, curl up beside me like he had at the cabin.

"I should. There are a lot of things to be dealt with" His words weren't harsh or sarcastic. It was honest. After everything that had happened I was sure there needed to be some sort of damage control.

"Okay" I gave in, letting go of his wrist.
I was glad he wasn't looking at me, because I looked desperate.
I laid back down and curled up towards the window, the moon shining down on my face.

I closed my eyes, but didn't hear Duke move to leave. I assumed he was still standing where he was, probably debating what he should do and what he wanted to do.

"Just for a little while" I heard him whisper, my eyes opening. I felt his body sit on the beds edge before lying down beside me. I bravely looked over my shoulder and saw him crossing his ankles and overlapping his hands on his rising and falling chest.