Through My Eyes

Chapter Thirty-One

I look around myself at the crowds of people waving off their loved ones, mixed expressions of sorrow and joy gracing their faces. The railway station is a bustling platform of both high- and low-class people, all of them happily headed to their respective destinations, all of them holding their beloveds close, all of them oblivious to the turmoil wrenching my soul.

A hand rubs on my shoulder and I turn to face Mary. "He is outside in the coach. Are you ready for this?"

A single tear rolls down my cheeks. I nod, my eyes moving to a desolate corner, where the outline of a figure can be seen if one looks extremely closely.

"Yes. I'm ready." I whisper.

Mary grits her teeth, her eyes filled with an unfamiliar malice. "I hate this. I hate that this is about to happen and there is nothing any of us can do."

"Me too." I say simply.

Mary turns and walks out of the railway station and I brace myself against a nearby pillar, preparing myself for what is to come. I have to do this, I have no choice, I remind myself over and over again, Maybe it's for the best. Every moment he spends with me is a moment taken off his life. I take a deep, shuddering breath, my chest tightening with the intimate sensation of my healing heart shattering again. Its for the best, It's for the best, it's for the best. My heartache turns physical and the room begins to spin. It's for the best, it's for the best, it's for the best. Sweat beads on my forehead and my hands are clammy; I gasp for breath. It's for the best, it's for -

"Are we going on holiday?" A cheerfully chirpy voice calls from behind me.

I rapidly compose myself and turn to Damon, taking in his neatened appearance, his gleaming eyes and finally, the suitcase in his hand.

"Not exactly." I mutter. "I have something to tell you, Damon."

"Well, whatever it is, it can wait." Damon exclaims. "I have not seen you all morning!" He pulls me into his arms, squeezing me tightly to him, his fingers gently massaging my scalp. I close my eyes against his embrace, attempting to hold myself together, relishing his hold for one last time. One last time, before it all ends.

I pull back and say, "Damon, this is serious. I have something to tell you."

Damon regards me carefully and his overjoyed expression fades. "Ok, Ellie. Tell me, darling. What is it?"

I turn away from him, not strong enough to see his face, his reaction to the words I am about to say.

"I don't love you, Damon."

I hear a sharp intake of breath and tears roll down my cheeks, my throat clogging up with emotion. But I carry on, spinning a web of lies that I have been long entangled in.

"I don't love you. I love... Emmanuel. I love him. I... When you and Mother helped me, I was... in love with him. I - I did not know how to say no to you. You were my best friend. You are my best friend. I could not bear to break your heart like that, after everything you did for me. I was supposed to tell you in the coach, but then we stopped and those men nearly caught us... I forgot. Then, the wedding, everything happened so quickly - but I cannot keep doing this, Damon. I cannot keep lying to you."

I stop talking, my head bowed with the weight of my lies. There is only silence between Damon and I. Then a chuckle. Then a laugh and two hands clasp my shoulders. "Ha. Ha. Ha. You amuse me to no ends, my beautiful wife. In love with Emmanuel! Ha!"

With a heartbreaking move, I step out of Damon's hold. "No. I am speaking nothing but the truth. Damon, I love you, but as a best friend. I think... I think we have both gotten carried away. What were we thinking? I belong with Emmanuel."