Sometimes I wonder about my purpose in life. I don't fit in anywhere. I'm rude and mean to everyone.. I have my reasons, though. Why would I treat them kindly if they treat me like crap? I just don't understand. Like that saying or 'the golden rule' Treat people the way you want to be treated. Just because you treat them the way you want to be treated, doesn't mean they will actually automatically change the way they treat you. I mean sure, maybe if they are mean to you because you are to them, it might count.... But what about the ones who judge without knowing anybody? You really think that they will quit just because you are nice? No. So I just don't bother.
There are reasons I don't let people near me. Whether it's because I am afraid of betrayal, they are usually fake, or I actually listen to the ones who tell me I'm not worthy of someone in my presence.. It doesn't matter. Maybe I'm not worthy of a friend. Maybe I'm just that bad of a person. Who knows? Nobody has been close enough to know. I like it that way. Or maybe it's the betrayal thing?
I think one of my biggest fears is letting even just one person in, telling them everything, let them actually get to know you, and then be betrayed or lied to. It being entirly fake. Everything. That, and the fact that I'm gay and nobody else knows... and others knowing would just be someone that could easily tell everyone.
All that would have to happen is them thinking they could trust somebody who wasn't all that faithful or trustworthy. It could happen so fast.. And you wouldn't be able to do a thing about it.
Then, there is the simple fact that nobody would actually want to be close to me or be my friend. I get the crap beat out of me daily only to go to work until I am completely exhausted, then go home and go through the back door to simply slip past my family that has forgotten about me.
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As I wake up Monday morning, the first emotion I have is hate. I hate this. It's the same thing every day and I'm sick and tired of it. I don't wish things to change in my family, because to be honest, I don't need ignorant, naïve people in my life. I don't want ignorant, naïve people in my life.
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Hey guys!!:D okay so this is my new story. I hope you like it! I have big plans for it:)
-Ash
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Only For Him (boyxboy)
Teen Fiction***Warning: This book contains gay love. If you aren't into that kinda thing, then please hit the back button. This book is rated PG-13 for a reason. Kase is one of those people you would smile at and they would glare daggers back. You're prob...
