Only For Him (boyxboy)

Chapter Four: The Little Twerp

Kase:

    I groaned as Braylin sped up his pace to match my own. He had showed up this morning and immediately found me and latched onto me like a leach. I normally wouldn’t really mind, but he doesn’t grasp what he’s doing. I really don’t think he wants to get himself into this… into me. Into my life. He doesn’t know what it’s like to be friends with me here. Where I’ve been “out” but also more like the black sheep in not only my family, but also the community. I didn’t even have to tell anybody about me being gay because I was always different. I never did the whole ‘crush on a little girl in elementary school.’ No, I had crushes on guys.

    I never knew that it was considered wrong in society. I didn’t know it was “different” or that it wasn’t “normal.” So when everyone acted weird around me, I never understood why. I didn’t smell bad, nor did I do really gross things like the other little boys in school, I got good grades and I never got into trouble, but mom and dad never acted pleased with me. They never greeted me like they did my brothers. I never understood until I started searching up some of the most common things I was called: fag, homo, and queer. Only once I had gotten the results for that and searched the term that was associated, homosexual, did I then understand.

    I was gay. I was the taboo homosexual. Everybody knew and hated me for it even before I had known about it or anything. I spent years self-harming and hating myself for who I was. Everybody around me hating me had only fueled my own hate for myself. I finally understood that I was abnormal. I was the weird one. I was different and imperfect because I wouldn’t have the wife and kids that was expected of me. I spent years drowning in my own depression before I just decided that I was done. I wasn’t going to give up and just die. I wasn’t going to hurt myself anymore. I wasn’t going to let them win.

    So what I’m gay? What does that have to do with anything? No, I’m not weird or worthless just because of my involuntary preference. I was going to rub it in their face. I was going to smirk as I succeeded in life as they all failed and their life was going to become as horrible and ugly as their personalities. I hated them! All of them. All I had ever wanted was a friend. Someone to tell me that I was just like everybody else. I just wanted somebody to ask me how my day was and what I thought about the things going on in the world. I wanted somebody that I could share my thoughts with…

    … I just wanted somebody to not hate me.

    Then, I decided that I didn’t need anybody. I had myself and that’s all I needed, and that’s how it’s been. Until Braylin.

    “Braylin you don’t understan-”

    “I swear to God, if you finish that sentence I will punch you in the face. I don’t care!” He growled in irritation and grabbed my arm, pulling me with him into a supply closet. Oh great. So many people probably saw him do that.

    “Braylin! You can’t just-”

    “Oh my- Kase, I’m serious. Just stop! I’m here because I want to be!”

    “You don’t know how they are here, Braylin,” I said gravely. He glared at me and grabbed two handfuls of my jacket and slammed me against the door.