Beyond the Words

Scars

You made it seem so easy

just walking out the door

the way you did.

How could I think otherwise

When you never called

(once a year doesn’t count)

Or when you never financially supported us,

forcing us to live with what we could.

I still remember that night

I cried ‘till my eyes felt like fire,

burned by my own tears;

And me?

Well, I tried to feel empty—

Much better than

being filled with

pain.

The years after that

were a struggle;

Gloomy at the thought

of you not being here

watching me grow up.

But I still lived on

learning how to survive without you.

And I thought I was

doing just fine…

That was until you came back.

And now all those nights

over the past years

that I’ve spent crying—

They all return to me

like a ghost returning home for haunting,

And now I cry many nights

all over again.

It’s funny how you think

it’s all better now that you are back,

but really I feel nothing:

not happiness in your return,

not satisfaction in you offering yourself

to stand by my side.

All these years,

the meaning of your name

has been empty to me.

And love too has vanished,

And you have yet

to win it back.

 You see,

when you had left all those years ago,

a scar was carved into my heart.

When you hardly ever called—

Scars were engraved into my

already bleeding heart.

When all that ever came from your mouth was lies,

never-ending lies,

More revolting scars.

When it felt like you never earnestly cared,

Scars, scars, scars.

I now have to learn how to live with you here

And it has taken some time

But finally,

I am doing just fine.

Perhaps you have come back

And the scars are slowly mending

allowing me to live

a content life

with you by my side.

But you can’t forget

that scars are scars

and even if I don’t feel

the pain any longer—

The scars will always be here.