Incarcerate

Entry Five

Entry Five

09-07-2012

It’s almost a month since we departed the cold shores of South Africa. Here I am, sitting by the window facing the sea in Rio de Janeiro. The windows have heavy bars and the door is bolted from outside, I feel like the most wanted criminal. It’s probably a mansion because this place I’m kept in has one room , a kitchen and a small gym (if you can call it that since it only has a few weights and a treadmill) and I guess all the other girls are kept in similar spaces. Though, there’s no TV or music player here, I think I’m going to go insane with boredom. The cupboard in my room is stacked with a few essential underwear, really ugly clothes and some night gowns. All this makes my situation feel more permanent

We didn’t die on the ship even though a very livid storm hit us. The wind was boisterously shoving around in the atmosphere as well as rocking our container back and forth violently. The rain was thudding so loudly on the surface that I felt like the roof would give way any second. Lightening that filtered through the holes was so bright that it was blinding. At some point the chain that was bordering the container snapped and the container swayed roughly to the other end of the ship and collided with so much force with something, I think it was a wall.

The men outside were screaming, there was panic and fear outside just as well as inside. The girls were in hysteria as they cried and scram whilst the brutal storm constantly tossed us to the right and left. My thoughts fleetingly went to Shay, I wondered briefly if he was hurt or dead and that sent a little uncomfortable pang in my stomach. I just think I’m not a horrible enough person to wish death onto someone else hence I shoved that thought to the back of my mind and solely concentrated on not getting my neck broken as the container swayed weightlessly. Shay came right after the storm ended and he looked calm in his soaking raincoat and disheveled hair. His eyes locked with me; his cool grey eyes turned in alarm as he saw me. He ran towards me and the last thing I remember of that night is me smirking at him as the blackness over took me. I had cracked my head quite hard on the wall as the container took a sharp right and tipped me off balance. Everything after that was a blur of events and the remaining days went uneventfully.

I was brought here in the old manner that has almost become a tradition; gag in my mouth, my wrists tied behind my back and eyes blinded by a black fold. Shay escorted me to my current residence, I could tell because of the way he held me by my upper arm, I can now distinguish his hold from others; in my old life, this would have been freaky.

As soon as we entered I heard the bolts being placed behind me, I let out a defeated sigh. Shay stopped me and started to undo the gag, followed by my wrists and lastly he took the blindfold off. The brightness hit me with such ferocity that it pierced my sight, eventually though, the haze cleared up and I looked around this saddening sight, my prison; Shay just looked at me.

“The room is there and there’s an en-suit bathroom, the gym is back there and that is the kitchen,” he spoke as he pointed towards all the rooms respectively. I just aimlessly followed his hands as he pointed the places out. After that our gazes locked, I looked through his ash like eyes, trying to see his soul. I’ve had a lot of time to reflect on the past month and he isn’t as ‘bad’ as he should be and this bothered me because I wanted to have murderous hate for him and I couldn’t do that if he kept being ‘not-so-bad’ with me. He was doing the same thing I guess, trying to see through my blank hazel eyes, but I kept them emotionless just like I always do; I have a lot of practice there.

“Make yourself at home,” he murmured. I just smirked at him, to show him how ironic his shit was, and shouldered past him into the bedroom. I opened the cupboard and analyzed its contents. I pulled out sweat pants a size too big and a large shirt, I also got some clean underwear. I could feel his presence in the room so when I turned and saw him sitting on the bed I just walked past him into the bathroom, as if he was nothing more than a bug or air.

I let out a whoosh of air as I locked the door to the bathroom. I undressed and walked to the small chipped mirror and the girl that greeted me was a pathetic sight. My eyes were sunken and circled with dark rings, my skin was unhealthily pale and dry with chipped lips and dirty nails, my brown hair was dull and knotted and my legs were hairy. I opened all the cupboards till I retrieved some shampoo, soap, brush, shave and nail clippers; my first thought was ‘wow, they’re prepared.’

I scrubbed myself clean in every way, it took me a total hour to do everything and I felt better and almost happy, almost. I put on my oversized clothed and towel dried my hair and walked out of the bathroom. Shay was sitting in the exact same position as I left him and momentarily I let shock register on my features. Even though it was bothering me as to why he was still there, I chose to ignore him and started walking out of the room.

“Doesn’t any of this effect you?” he asked frustrated as I was about to leave the room. His question made me freeze and I slowly turned to face him. He looked frustrated and puzzled as if it annoyed him that I wasn’t shivering in my skin as he looked at me. I stared down at him, trying my best to drill a hole through his daring head. I walked towards him until he was just an inch away from me, I loved the feel of towering over him.

“Doesn’t it effect you?” I threw back coldly, how dare he question me when he isn’t in the best of positions to answer the same question. His eyes blazed with anger and he grabbed hold of my wrist in a death grip.

“You don’t know anything,” he hissed at me.

“I don’t want to know, because there’s no reason low enough to excuse what you do,” I hissed back.

“Fuck this!” he yelled, he stood and looked down at me. My victorious feeling was short lived. I’m not scared of Shay because even though he won’t protect me, I know he won’t hurt me on purpose but I wanted to provoke him to hurt me, so that I could have that hate for him that I’m supposed to have.

“You deserve all this,” he venomously said.

“I’m better Shay, at least I’m not tortured by my own conscience,” I whispered. I struck something within him because his rage went up a few notches. I could see how hard he was restricting himself from hurting me; I didn’t want him to restrict. I looked at him unflinchingly and he glared back. I don’t think he could take it anymore because he stomped out of my prison angrily. As the door bolted behind him, I let out a sigh. I think I have lost it.

Here I am, just sitting and watching the sunset now. My life has become one hell of a mess.

-End of Entry

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A/N- Hey beautiful readers!!! thank you for taking Incarcerate to 300+ reads, it just takes me to cloud 9 everytime i see it... LOVE YOU GUYS!!

Cheers,

Dodo