Incarcerate

Entry Four

Entry Four

I5-06-2012

We’ve been in this ship for four days now. The other girls and I are being exported to Brazil in a shipping container. The conditions in here are grim and miserable. It’s always so dark and chilly and more than once it makes me wonder whether this is what a grave feels like. The air in here is so stale, suffocating and yet ever so often, it feels like it’s not enough to sustain all our desperate lungs. I wasn’t allowed to have my thought book with me because they would’ve searched me; and they did in the most ghastly manner, but yesterday Shay threw it at me, and I can only write during day times when small specks of sun filter through the dispersed holes around the container.  He didn’t give me the bag but just this one book and two pens.

He also handed me a black cloth and told me to tie my belongings around my waist so that no one sees it, and I’ve been doing just that even though it is so uncomfortable. He seemed pissed off because I think he read my earlier entries. Still, his sudden generosity doesn’t make me hate him any less, but somehow, I feel a little grateful because honestly, I’d go insane if I can’t write.

The girls all just sit in an eerie silence and no one so much as looks in the others way. I think they have all drowned so deeply in their sorrows, fears and uncertainties that there is hardly any hope sparking in them. I don’t like it; I will escape this hellhole.

I’ve been talking to this girl, Grace; she is only 16 years old. I feel so bad for her sometimes because seeing her situation definably makes me feel like I’ve had it easier. She hasn’t told me much about what happened to her but I made a wild guess.

The second day we were here, I woke up in the middle of the night to a piercing scream. It was such a horrid and agonizing scream that it screeched through my soul and added itself to my nightmares; I’ve been having a lot of nightmares lately about the Asian girl. Anyway, I woke up to her screaming. I saw her through the haziness of sleep, she was withering in the cold dark corner and her flawless mahogany skin was plastered with sweat drops. I looked around and the girls were either looking at her with annoyance, sympathy or just plain weariness but nobody made a move to get close to her. My heart broke as she kept shuddering and crying all alone, stuck in her nightmare, this also made me angry. I stood up and gingerly walked to where she lay and sat down besides her head. I gently picked her head up and placed it onto my lap, I didn’t know what else to do. Mama used to do that when I had nightmares as a child; I miss her so much.

I started running my fingers through her hair, hoping to comfort her somehow. I rocked slightly and sang a famous lullaby that daddy used to sing to me:

Somewhere, over the rainbow, way up high

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby

Somewhere, over the rainbow, skies are blue

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true

Someday I'll wish upon a star

And wake up where the clouds are far behind me

Where troubles melt like lemon drops

Away above the chimney tops

That's where you'll find me

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly

Birds fly over the rainbow

Why then, oh why can't I?

If happy little bluebirds fly

Beyond the rainbow

Why, oh why, can't I?

I kept murmuring the lyrics over and over again until her breathing smoothened out and she was back to sleep. I tried to leave after that. I gently lifted her head off of my lap but she gripped onto the hem of my shirt and asked me to stay.

“Please don’t leave me,” she whispered, even though her eyes were closed and her voice was husky with sleep. I felt something tug at my heart, it was like a little string being pulled at the core of my chest and at that moment I really did wish that everything could be ok for all of us. I wished little Grace would stop having those nightmares; I wished I could stop having my nightmares.

I wished this boat would sink and all of us would die. It would save us the bitter misery ahead.

I think god heard that silent wish because the boat has been swaying out of the ordinary for the past hour and I think I just heard the grumbling of clouds. The light coming through these meager holes is getting fainter and fainter, and every once in a while the sharp illumination of lightening silvers this grave-like container.

I feel an uncanny calm settling over me. I want to go to heaven if I do die and if I don’t, I’ll start praying again. I haven’t done that since I have been kidnapped, maybe it was the initial shock of events, but I don’t think I can blame god anymore.

I’m going to put this book away because the container has started jerking violently as the wild winds hurl around. If I survive, I’ll write again but for now I should put it all away. The salty sprays of the raging sea have started dripping in as well. Let me go and hold Grace.

-End of Entry

 *                                                      *                                                  *

A/N: firstly, this is dedicated to silversnow for continuosly reading, voting and showing love.. You are great!

 && i know this chappie is short but i PROMISE you that they get longer... and this is not edited..

Please show me some love by commenting and voting! also what do YOU think is going to happen next? heheheh

Cheers,

Dodo