Beatle

Chapter 4 (Continued)

           By the time the two of us had made it into the main city of Liverpool and had tooled around for a bit, it was around one in the afternoon. I think John could tell I was tired from the walking, so he somehow managed to pinch a bag of fish and chips that we could take to eat down by the docks.

Once we had sat down on the very end of the pier, the water a pearly gray mass beneath us with a matching sky (the sun had never managed to push its way through), John tore open the bag, split the food for us each to have, and went to town on his. There was silence for a few long minutes, both of us trying to inhale our lunches, before John spoke with a full mouth. “Shho, I hafe to ashhk you a queshhtion,” he managed to get out.

“Speaking with your mouth full isn’t very gentlemanly John,” I said, trying to be joking but failing miserably due to my timid tone. I was still rather intimidated by John; I didn’t know how to interact with older kids besides those in my family.

John gulped everything in his mouth down and responded in the same tone, mocking me, “Well it’s a good thing I ain’t a gentleman then, init?”

I could feel my face heating up from embarrassment, and I leant my head forward to hide the blush that was coloring my face. I heard John laugh again and then say, “But really I need to ask you something.”

“Shoot,” I said, gesturing for him to begin.

“Ok. You know earlier, on the bus, you said people don’t joke around you at home?”

I nodded slowly, knowing he was going to make me explain myself.

“What exactly did you mean by tha’”? I looked up to see him looking fixatedly at me, his eyes focused and his brow slightly furrowed.

I suppose I could have lied to John. I could have laughed and played it off, saying I said it as an excuse to shut him up. I could have said any number of things, and the conversation would have gone away.

But I didn’t. I couldn’t, for some unexplainable reason at the time, lie to him.

“What I meant John was that I have some pretty bad friends back home.” “Whoa, did that just come out of my mouth?” I thought in shock to myself. It was the first time I had ever admitted it out loud to anyone, including myself. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was right.

“I have this one girlfriend, she’s been great, she’s never ever let me down. But we’re both in the middle of this whole other group that, I dunno. They just, I don’t even know!” I threw up my hands in exasperation, frustrated that I couldn’t express what exactly it was that Meredith did to me. “Okay lemme, lemme instead put it this way,” I said, trying to start over my explanation as John looked on. “Ever since I started hanging out with this particular group, so it’s been about, I don’t know, about four years now?” I did a mental check then kept going. “Ever since then I haven’t had any genuine fun with them. That I guess basically sums it all up.”

John’s mouth fell open at that statement. “You mean you ‘aven’t had a good time since you were nine? No wonder you act older than Mimi, ya practically skipped your childhood!”

“I wouldn’t say that,” I denied hurriedly. “I mean I’ve had good times, it’s just a lot to deal with and keep track of ya know? I don’t know if boys worry about it as much, but for girls it’s all about who to talk to, who not to talk to, what to wear and what not to wear, what kind of music to listen to-”

“’old on ‘old on!” John cried, cutting me off. “'o tells you wha’ music you can’t listen to?”

            “This…girl,” I said slowly.