The Strays; Kellin Quinn Love Story {Completed}

Chapter 23

Warning: May be triggering. This is the second to last chapter. I am not promoting self harm in any way. If you get triggered easily I suggest not reading. This is very dark. I love you guys. ❤️

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It had been now two months since the party at Jesse's house. I remember that night like it had happened yesterday. I remember going back to Jesse's house with the guys and drinking a whole case of Jack Daniels. I didn't care. I wanted the pain to go away. I still want it to go away. Kellin hasn't talked me at all. I don't if he had forgotten about me, didn't care, or was upset with himself. He probably doesn't care. Like most people. Just leave and don't look back on the little sad charity case that I am. I don't blame them. I'm too much to put up with I guess.

I had been staying with the guys to make sure I wouldn't do anything. They got me a stupid therapist, I was on antidepressants. They didn't help. They made me want to kill myself even more. Justin couldn't leave me alone even though I begged him to. But at least he cares. At least they care. As for Kellin, I doubt he does otherwise he wouldn't be ignoring me or would have made the effort to try and talk to me. Nothing was getting better. I felt like I was being babysat again but this time by my friends. I felt bad but I can't apologize for how I feel or control it as much I tried to. I'm just a mess. Katelynne was right. Just a sad little charity case. Everything she said was right. The guys haven't told me anything about Kellin and I was done asking. Maybe it's for my own good. Who knows.

I didn't care if he was drunk that night or the fact that she probably seduced him. The fact that he hasn't said anything to me for two fucking months is driving me insane. I just hope he's okay. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. But maybe without me in the picture he would happier. Not having to drag me around and persuade me to get out and have fun. Maybe I was dragging him down. From having his music career, to make sure I was okay. Or I was dragging him down by just being me.

I saw how happy he was with Katelynne. His smile lit up the whole room when we were in the diner. He was smiling and just looked so beautiful to be happy. How he said her name, how he looked at her. I ruined that.

The thoughts came rolling in.

He doesn't care about you.

He doesn't love you.

He doesn't give a shit about you.

He doesn't need you.

He has her.

He loves her.

He makes him happy.

He. Doesn't. Love. You.

Then the things Katelynne had said came into my mind as well. Those words would never leave me alone. The voices never leave anymore.

"Pop a few more pills.

Cut a little deeper. "

Just do it.

No one wants you here.

No one loves you.

No one cares.

No one wants to be around you.

You just make everyone miserable.

Just go back to where you belong.

You don't belong here.

Just kill yourself already, it would make everyone happier.

I was trying to hold in my tears as the thoughts were swarming in my head getting the best of me. I was lying on Justin's bed in the dark. I was hyperventilating.