Forever and always*gay love story*

Chapter Five.

(Sebastian's POV)

As the night went on, I slowly, and grudgingly, realized that Javier and I had a lot in common. It's sort of sad to say that if I wasn't who I was, we might have been friends. I couldn't dare to hope that would really happen. He has made it clear that he would never forgive me or my friends. I can't really blame him though. What we did to him really isn't exactly forgivable. When I see him laughing next to me, it makes me somewhat regret the things I put him through (even if the laughing was at my expense).

"HA! Take that you demon!!" Javier yelled, slaying my character for like, the thousandth time. I groaned. His winning streak hadn't ended once. It was not fair.

"Do you just sit and play this all day? You are literally demolishing me! I'm lucky to get one hit in!" I complained. He smirked and bit his lip. Damn, he was so adorable. Wait...what? I did not just think that. I mean, yeah, he's a good looking guy, but he isn't adorable...well, to me at least. 'No, he's hot to you' my inner, trying to ignore, voice said. Shut up! I told myself. Javier wasn't my type. He wasn't a girl. 'yeah well, girls don't seem to be your type anymore either' that annoying ass voice continued on.

I looked over suddenly to see Javier staring at me curiously.

"Are you okay? You look...frustrated." he asked me, making the end almost seem like a question. He had no idea. No idea that I was struggling with sexuality. No one knew. I couldn't tell anyone. It would ruin me and I can't have that. Not in my junior year. It was to close to the end. Besides, I was my parents only son. Their only chance of grand-kids. I couldn't be gay. I just couldn't be. So, I would stick with girl's. I like them....'just not as much as boys...'that voice said softly. I bit back a groan.

(Javier's POV)

Sebastian looked frustrated. Was it because I kept beating him? Maybe I should ease up a little bit...NO. Why should I ease up on him in a video game? It's not like he and his friends eased up on me in real life. This is payback. Unfortunately I couldn't beat the hell out of him in real life either because ya' know...5'1 up against 6'4 just wasn't smart. 97 pounds of weakness against 200 some pounds of pure muscle...yeah, that just wasn't going to work out well for me. I sighed mentally. Life just isn't fair...

Anyway back to the point. Sebastian looked at me after I asked him the question. I felt butterfly's explode in my stomach and had to restrain myself from smacking myself. I couldn't be attracted to Sebastian. Not after what he did to me. And even if I could forgive myself, he's straight. It wouldn't even change anything.

"I'm not frustrated. Just trying to think of a way to get you back for this total destruction you're putting me through." Sebastian finally said, and I was happy to have something to focus on responding to other than my own thoughts.

"You know, I think your abuse in real life has definitely got me enough for a thousand video game loses" I replied, kind of upset that he would say anything about 'getting me back' for killing him in a video game. Heaven knows he's killed enough of me to last two lifetimes, let alone my solitary seventeen years. He looked back at the screen, kind of a sad look in his eyes.

"Ya know, even if I said I was sorry, it wouldn't take back everything my friends and I did to you. It wouldn't make you forgive me" Sebastian whispered, still not looking at me. The words stopped me cold in my angry video game attacks. Was he right? Would an apology change anything? I didn't know but I'm sure an apology couldn't make it worse.

"Maybe you're right, but then again, if you guy's had just been decent human beings, you wouldn't need to apologize in the first place" I replied, resuming video game murder. Sebastian didn't respond.

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It wasn't much longer before Sebastian and his mom left. Little more had been said after the apology conversation and saying goodbye was just that. There was no apology. Had I been expecting one? Not really. After all, after one night of 'hanging out', there wasn't likely to be much of a change. He was still Sebastian and I was still the boy he had spent the last 5 years humiliating. 

After he left, I couldn't find much reason to stay awake. It was only eleven, but I was tired. Holding back tears for so long really was exhausting. I went to my bathroom and decided to take a shower. Grabbing a towel, I start to undress but freeze when I catch sight of myself in the mirror. Biting my lip, I look at my reflection, noting everything wrong with it. Ugly, fat, too wide eyes, pale....no wonder no one like's me. Hell, I don't even like me...Tear's now streaming down my face, thoughts of self-hate filling my head, I get in the shower. 

The fading scars on my body sting, but the new ones I make are bliss. My tears mix with the running water, blend with the blossoming blood across my hips and stomach. A sweet release. I know it's bad, but I can't stop. It seems the only thing that I find wrong with doing it is that the release doesn't last very long. And then the process just starts over...

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Depression sucks...

XOXO-MidnightAlly