A Part of My Life

Chapter Twenty-Three

Justin:

This it it. Or, at least, I hope.

My palms were beginning to sweat beneath my phone that was slowly warming up due to the fact that heat was in a matter of fact being transferred to my palms from the phone, through a process in which is called conduction, and fuck, my nerd side is showing. Gross.

Heaving a loud, long sigh and rolling my eyes at my pathetic self, my eyes scanned through the words in the textbox, ready (or maybe not) to be sent to none other than Jacee.

This is terrifying, oh my fuck. And now I sound like a girl, and damn, that's my biggest flaw because if you hadn't already known, I always feel the like the fucking chick whenever I'm having a rough time in relationships.

Damn. Fuck. Shit. Ass. Hell!

Jacee I know u dont wish
to see my face still, or at 
least I hope its otherwise 
but i just want u to know 
that im really very sorry.

What kind of a fucking sorry message is that? More like a pathetic, probably-never-going-to-be-accepted kind. Fuck my life.

You know what? I'm gonna stop being the fuck ass wimp that I am, and I'm gonna man the hell up and walk to her door, barge in, and force her to listen to me. No, that's not violence, that's determination... in a way.

In a way that I wish would be a definition of determination, too.

Erasing the draft message on my phone, I threw my phone on the bed before rising from what I address as heaven, and made my out of my room, straight towards Jacee's room. I hope I'm not too loud, because it's already eleven... and mom's probably asleep due to exhaustion.

You know, meetings and stuff.

I hesitantly raised my knuckles in the air, but encouraged myself with the hurtful words that I shot my own to grow some balls--which resulted in me knocking on the door three times, steadily.

"Yeah?" Her angelic voice yelled from the other side of the door, making me purse my lips in for a second.

"Jacee," I began slowly, giving her time to react so I could retort. Nothing. "Can I come in?"

"No." Her voice sounded so sharp that I almost felt it piercing right through my heart, shattering it into a thousand pieces. I shook those thoughts away and cleared my throat, carrying on anyway. I cannot be phased at this moment.

I'm gonna make this short and sweet, and hopefully not cliche. Because as cliche as this may sound, I hate being cliche even though I may seem cliche, now whatever.

"Jacee, please? Give me three minutes to explain myself!" I cried aloud, though soft enough so that mom wouldn't hear because if she did, oh she would interfere and if she did just that, man, my plan wouldn't go too well.

My palms were pressed tightly against her door, just as it flew open, sending me stumbling backwards in fear that I would fall forward in no support. As my eyes met a pair of pretty brown eyes, the only thing I could think of was... well, nothing much really.

Nothing much.

Nothing.

My ass.

I want to hold her forever.

"Ja--"

"You know you're wasting time, don't you?" She bitterly snapped at me, shifting her weight to her left leg, resting her fist on her left hip as her right hand blocked me from entering her room, pressed up against the door frame.