Stupid Cupid

All it took was two tampons up his nose

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Excuse the mistakes

Picture of Eddie on the side

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“This is bloody offensive!”

I glanced back at Eddie, who was stuffed in the cramped backseat of the car. He just looked so uncomfortable and frustrated that when I looked up at Parker, we both burst out laughing.

“No!” Eddie cried, slamming the side of his fist into the back of the driver’s seat where Parker was sitting. “This isn’t funny! This is my damn car, and I’ve been forced to squeeze into the backseat!”

“This may be your car, Ed,” Parker replied over his shoulder, “But you’re a terrible driver. I wanted to save Reed from the nausea that comes when you’re behind the wheel.” Parker looked over at me and winked as Eddie swore loudly and punched the back of Parker’s chair again.

Parker and Eddie had picked me up about ten minutes ago for the party, which I had actually made an effort in preparing for. I was wearing a pair of acid wash jeans with a tight, black tank top and a couple chain necklaces, which were cold against my skin. My hair was still slightly damp from my shower an hour ago, so I’d just thrown it up into a ponytail.

“Can I ask you a question, Love?” Eddie asked after a few minutes, and I felt him nudge me in the shoulder.

“Sure,” I said, shifting in my seat so that I leaning against the window and facing Eddie.

“Why did you choose Parker?” Eddie asked, and I couldn’t help but notice that with his hands behind his head, Eddie was flexing. “I mean,” he continued, shrugging, “I was there at Paulie’s, too, and I’m ten times more attractive than Parker. I’ve been told that British guys make great boyfriends.”

That’s when it hit me; Parker hadn’t told Eddie that we weren’t actually dating. Even I had told Zephyr, and Eddie was Parker’s best friend. I would’ve thought that he would know what was going on, but apparently not.

“I dunno,” I replied with a shrug, “I guess it’s because he’s the father of my hard-boiled chicken embryo.” Parker laughed at the mention of Benedict, and Eddie frowned.

“I would just like to say that I don’t understand the purpose of that project,” Eddie announced, as Parker turned down a side street. “I mean, how does an egg resemble a baby? It doesn’t puke, shit, or cry.”

“He has a point,” I said, sharing a thoughtful look with Parker, who nodded in agreement.

Parker pulled in front of a lit up house with high school kids literally everywhere. I could hear the music from where Parker had parked across the street, and I could just tell that there was going to be a noise complaint later.

Before I’d even stepped fully out of the car, Eddie was pushing the passenger seat forward and shoving past me. I had to grab onto the car door to keep from falling on my face, and I said angrily, “Jesus, Eddie! Why in such a rush?”

Eddie pointed to his legs and cried, “I have long legs, Reed, and having to literally tuck them under my chin and wedge myself in a particularly uncomfortable backseat is very fucking painful!”

I held my hands up in surrender, and Parker walked by Eddie and smacked him in the back of the head. “What was that for?” Eddie demanded, rubbing the base of his skull and wincing in pain.