~Voices~

Voices~ 12

Senpai, do you even know who you are?

•Time skip• :c
•Ashleys pov•

Do you ever have that time when your told something terrible, and it just sank in... All you can do is sob into your pillow and cry yourself to sleep with or without your significant other doing the same as you.

An empty feeling like a part of your life is missing and you can never get it back.

Once it's gone, that's what if is... Gone.

You can't get it back, you can't hold back your desperate need for comforting every damn day.

A horrid feeling, you tried everything you could, you did everything to get it back but you couldn't do a single thing.

A scared feeling that you'll never once be satisfied, never have just a hint of happiness, or if you have at least some hope; some happiness; some sort of reason to go on; you feel as if it will be taken AWAY from you and just like the other thing once it's gone, its gone and you can't ever get it back.

No matter what you say

No matter what you do

No matter how you feel

No matter how much you cry

No matter how much support you get

No matter of your anger

Or sadness

Or despair

Its a terrible feeling.

Like something was ripped from your heart and your left with the tiny bit of happiness you still have left to patch it up for you.

Yet that hole is still there, you still feel it, you are always aware, some days it expands and all you can do is lay around wishing, but nothing.

Why do we long for happiness... Well, humans have a sort of nature to being drawn to that feeling.

That feeling is great, warm, its all you could ever ask for. It's too much to ask for in this case.

We long for what's so far away from us. I want our life back.

No happiness.

Constant guilt.

Ongoing regret.

Continuous self denial.

Nights full of screaming in agony.
Sobbing until you can't anymore.
Crying so much you can barely keep your eye lids open.

And the only one I blame is myself.
I just wish we got h-

"Ash."
I looked up, recognizing that deep voice I haven't heard in a while.
"Andy?"

"I'm sorry.."

I broke into tears again, but this time I had Andy holding me, he was in tears but not a sobbing idiot.

"A-ashley, I'm so sorry. I couldn't do anything.. I-I love you Ash..."

This was the first time Andy has talked in the past five days.

It was a week ago and we still didn't have our heads on straight.

"It's all my fault..." I whispered barely audible while he held me to his chest in his lap, remembering what happned.

Jesus that hurt...

"Ashleh and Andy Biersack, I'm sorry but it didn't survive."

"W-what...?" I tried focusing.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

Andy gave the doctor a look and he shook his head. That's when Andy broke, he slammed his head down and fell onto the floor on his knees sobbing. It's the first time I've seen him like this... Ever.

"A-Andy.." I was in my own tears.

The doctor had left to let us grieve.

Andy stood up to the sund of my voice and held my hand, sitting in a chair by the bed.

"Andy... W-what did I do wrong?" This is all my fault... I soobed out.

Andy hugged me.

"It's not your fault baby, you did nothing wrong, I'm so sorry." We sat there holding each other, hopeless, filled with sadness and purely heart broken.

"It's not your fault..." Andy kept whispering into my ear.

I nodded, but its not true. It is my fault. It had to have been me.

That day holds nothing but darkness, the day ended everything for us and we can't seem to pick ourselves up.

It's sobbing all day, barely eating, breaking down and sleeping as much as you can.

Every. Damn. Day.

O.O I didn't completely come out and say it but you may or may not have guessed what happned.

:'( I'm sorry, I had nothing better to do.

Someone please, if you wish to kill me because of this I have a baseball bat and my head is open, take your best swing.

*hands you metal bat*

*leans head closer to you*

"Dont hold back."