The Humanoid ~Vash x OC AU~

Chapter 3: Foul

Leilani

The concoctions are a risk.

The pregnancy is a risk.

It all is a risk. No matter what, death is a very possible outcome. An outcome that doesn't faze me when I think about going against the man who killed my family. But when I think about the chances of dying while carrying this baby, I shudder.

A baby. That feels strange to even think. That word rolls around in my head, falling to my mouth where my tongue rattles it against my teeth. It doesn't feel like it belongs there. It feels foreign and odd and...

Wrong.

So, very wrong. Wrong in so many ways that just fills me with so many different feelings and emotions. Things I don't want to feel.

Disbelief. Confusion. Dread. Fear. Denial. Anger. So much anger. It boils and bubbles deep, deep in the pit of my stomach, coursing through my blood like fire.

Fire. I'm used to that feeling. To a burning sensation that slithers across my skin whenever I... Whenever I would see Vash. Whenever our eyes would meet. Whenever he would flash that stupid fucking smile at me, talking to me so sweetly.

Fuck him!

But that's how I ended up in this situation. I did fuck him. Or he fucked me, rather. It was only three times, but during any of those moments, he planted his seed, and now...

Right now, I don't want to think about sweetness and hushed murmurs. I don't want to remember how his skin felt against mine or how he tasted. I don't want to picture his smile because the truth is, right now, I hate him. I am so angry and seething, furious that this has happened.

And so, I am held up in the room I share with Meryl. She is not here. She walked Agatha back to the lobby, allowing me time to digest and debrief everything. But I don't want to. I still don't want to think about it. If I don't acknowledge it any further, then surely it isn't real. At some point, I will wake up and this will be one really bad dream. Surely.

A gentle knock comes upon the door as a soft voice calls through the dense wood. "Lei?" My heart leaps into my throat. It's Vash. Fucking Vash. "Hey... Agatha told me about...everything."

I squeeze my eyes closed. I didn't know she was going to tell him. If anything, I thought everything we had discussed would stay between us, kept secret in this room. A doctor-patient confidentiality sort of deal maybe, though maybe not as formal. Still, I wasn't expecting him to be told anything. Then again, she was worried about the baby being a hybrid and my health. Maybe she told him in hopes he'll keep tabs on me? Or maybe she told him in hopes of getting the information she wants? I don't know. In the end, she told him, and I'm not the happiest about it.

"Listen, I'm here if you want to talk." He continues. "I know that I'm not really the person you want to see right now... I get that. But still...you shouldn't go through this alone."

I clench my jaw. I wouldn't be needing to go through anything if he hadn't unleashed a whole fucking tsunami of himself in me, but here we are.

There is a beat of silence, then: "Have you eaten today? Meryl says you're having trouble keeping food down."

Is everyone just running back to him and reporting everything? First Agatha and now Meryl? Whose side are they all on anyway? Aren't women supposed to stick together?

"If you want, I can try to make some soup for you. That should be easy on your stomach. Would you like that?"

All the frustration and anger finally boils over, hissing like a hot kettle as I snap, "I don't want anything from you. Not a damn thing." My heart is racing against my chest as the blood rushes through my veins. I push up to my feet. "You've already done enough. Don't ya think?" My feet start to carry me to the closed door. Why? "This is all your fault, ya know. This is all because of you. All of it." What am I saying? Why am I saying this, and why can't I stop? I press my forehead and palms against the smooth wood. "I should have never invited you to my bed. I should have never slept with you." A hoarseness fills my throat. "I regret everything. All of it. I regret you."

A long, heavy stretch of silence lingers, filling the room with a thick veil of something I can't quite place. It is dense and...maybe sad. I don't know, but that rage still courses through me. It still fills and consumes me. It has become me, giving me a sharp and shrill tunnel vision that is red and hateful. I can taste its foulness on my tongue and shudder.

And for a moment, I almost think that maybe he has already left, a certain coldness falling over me as the silence swirls. That is until he speaks, softly and so small.

"I'm sorry."

More silence, then I swallow, "Yeah, well...sorry doesn't fix anything."

And this time, I hear him as he steps away, the floor on the other side of the door creaks until silence falls, and I know that he is gone. That coldness from before swarms me, gripping every part of myself until I feel nothing.

Just a giant, gaping hole of nothing. And as the seconds tick by, rolling into a minute, I pull away, that nothingness becoming me before finally withdrawing.

What had I said? Why did I say any of that? And why doesn't it bother me that I said it? Is this who I am? This angry, bitter person.

Maybe I am. Maybe I have always been this way. Maybe I have always been this foul of a monster, born of the spite of my own mother. And then, maybe I was made this way, born of the flesh of that night nineteen years ago, my mind and sanity torn away with innocence as I heard my family die.

Maybe I was made this way.

**Bello lovelies! So, not a whole lot in this chapter but we can tell Leilani has a lot going through her mind. We already knew that she's not happy or thrilled to be pregnant, but were you expecting that reaction to Vash? Oh, poor Vash. Y'all, I felt so bad writing that bit. It tore me up knowing what she was saying to him and how he would feel. Like, I felt guilty, but at the same time, it plays its part. And I know it wasn't much Vash, but it was still something, right? Right lol. Anyway, at the time of typing this chapter, we have finally reached 2024! That's right! It's 01/01/2024! Wow. It feels crazy to say that. That also means I just (at the date of typing) posted the prologue to the first book. Wow, wow, wow. Well, I hope everyone has a spectacular day/evening/night! Thank you oh, so freakin' much for all the love and support! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross