WHY THEY LEFT (#Wattys2015)

25. Maybe Everyone's To Blame

Rosalie
Bottled Up Tight by Luke Sital-Singh

My head was clouded with thoughts like my eyes with tears. My whole body shook with sadness and anxiety, the muffled, noisy world crushing me. The only sounds audible were the sounds of traffic rushing behind Danny's house and my quiet sobs.

I abandoned the wiping away of tears, letting them stream down with out any interference. The need to brush away the tears became even less needed as storm clouds gathered over head and rain began to trickle down. Now the sky was crying too.

The sky and I had a lot in common at that moment. We were both clouded and dreary, dark and grim, weeping enough tears to flood the earth. I stood up from where I sat on the damp, cracked concrete curb and walked towards my rain covered car.

"You are so fucking stupid, Rosalie," I mumbled to myself. "Stupid, stupid, stupid," I repeated, choking out each word between sobs. I kicked the side of my car in rage of my actions. Frustration had entirely consumed me and I let it out in the blow to my car. I didn't do any damage to my car but now my foot was throbbing. I leaned my head against the side of the Bentley and cried to myself, face burried in my arms and the stormed raged on around me.

I sat in the heavy down pour, disregarding the painfully cold air and forcefull wind that whipped against me. Was this all my fault? Maybe this was all just karma. Maybe the universe was to blame. Maybe everyones to blame.

I finally got myself to a calmer level, using the new ability to stop shaking as a gage for whether or not I was fit to operate a motorized vehical. I climbed in, soaking the leather as my hair and my cloths dripped rain all over the inside of my car. I really didn't care at that point- water in my car was the least of my worries.

As I drove the sky and I lost a big similarity- I had stopped crying, the clouds had not. Shouldn't it be the other way around?  I thought to myself. Pushing my wet, disheveled hair out of my face, I reached the turn into my neighborhood. Rounding the corner to the location of my house, I vainly hoped that I would see that shitty, rusted car in my driveway. It was more than a hope, I realized. It was like a silent prayer inside me, my whole body wanting Danny to be at my house in that moment.

I could see him standing there, a cold glare on his face, but as I approached him, his grimace would fade to a grin and he would forgive me.

But that whispering hope fizzled, yanking me from my mental fool's paradise and sucking me into the reality of it all. Danny wasn't there; Danny wasn't going to be there. I sighed, pulling into my driveway and shutting off my windshield wipers. I watched for a moment, before I removed the key from the ignition, the rain cascading down the smooth surface of my windshield. The raindrops danced earth-bound from the sky then slipped down the slope of the window. Oh how I wished that I could be more like the rain- emotionless, fearless, careless. I wished I could dance from the sky and shatter onto the earth, no one and nothing there to hold me back or weigh me down.

At that moment, I would've killed be like rain. But then again, being rain would mean no Danny and that felt like an even worse reality. Too bad that was  how reality was becoming regardless of my human form.

Stop it, Rosalie. I told my self. You're doing that thing again were you get dark and twisty and start thinking like an medieval fucking philosopher. I pulled the key from the ignition and slipped out, jogging lightly to the front door. I twisted the handle slowly, pushing it ajar only slightly to see who was in the living room. My dads car was gone, as per usual, but my mothers car was still parked infront of the garage.

Buckley wasn't on the couch- both a rarity and an oddity. Mother was nowhere be be seen. Or so I thought as I attempted stelthily sneaking through the living room. The coast was still clear until I rounded the corner to hall leading towards the stair case. Shit, I said to myself, coming face to face with my mother in the archway.

"Where have you been? And why are you all wet?" She said impatiently, eyebrows scrunched in like they do when she questions me. Mother eyed me head to toe, trying to descern where I had spent the last, I don't know, hour and a half.

"No where. It doesn't matter," I said. My voice was flatter than Kansas and colder than the arctic. I tried to push passed her but mom stood her ground. Sighing, I asked why she wouldn't let me through.

"Tell me where you were." She demanded, exhaling hard through her nose to show her frustration.

"Getting drunk with astronauts on the moon- where else would I have been?" I silently highfived myself for the award of best sacastic comment for the day. "I was outside." I attempted pushing passed her again.

"Were you with that disgusting boy that came to our door?" Her voice shattered the last bit of calmness I contained all with the emphasis of the word 'disgusting' when she said it.

"You can't make that judgement because you dont know him!" I yelled. I shoved through her with all my power, blowing plast her and marching to the base of the stairs. I took them two at a time, desperate to just be away from my mothers sight. I had stomped up about four steps before turning and yelling, "And if anyone is disgusting, it's you and not Danny!" With that, I dashed up the steps in rage. Not as much rage at my mother than at myself. The only reason he left was because of what I did. Maybe not everyone was to blame. Maybe it was just me.

I slammed my door, turning and clenching my fists, almost pounding them against the door. I stopped and let my hands rest against the white paint, then pressed my forehead against it. I began breathing in more even respirations.

Where was I going to turn to? Who was I going to turn to? I wanted to turn to Danny but that was impossible. Who knows how far from here he was?

All I wanted was to say I was sorry to him. And for him to forgive me. Maybe that's selfish of me to want peace when I'm the one who started this war. Maybe life is full of way too many maybes.

Crashing onto my matress, my eyes locked with the ceiling. Not once in my life had I wanted to be gone from this room so badly. I wanted to be with Danny, speeding down some interstate and away from North Carolina. To be in that shitty little car, right beside him: that's where I wanted to be.

But I couldn't. And it was all my fault.

-Parker.
Hope you enjoyed this weeks update! Vote and comment some feedback! It'd be greatly appriciated. We wanted to say thanks to all of you guys who read and comment and vote! This weeks chapter is dedicated to @Sweetness_overloaded ! Next chapter is dedicated to a random person who gives feed back in a comment!