Fireproof - Steroline.

Through hell and back

Authors note: WAIT, WHAT!? 1.1k found their way to my story!? I'm so thankful i can't even express myself, thank you!

So alot has happend the past 7 months and unfortunatly i havn't updated the story - But guess what? I'm back. for good. - and i'm about to take you on the wildest steroline ride you could ever imagine.

I will be using some things from the actual series and some i will make up:) 

I fastet the story forward a bit to the end of season six, but don't worry i will get back to what stefan was hiding from caroline. ;) 

Chapter three: Through hell and back.

Some smart man once said, that if you are going though hell, you should just keep going.

I've been thinking a lot about that lately, because if i keep walking i might get out of this hell i call my life. Everything changes so quickly and so did i, i'm stuck between what i want and what i thought i wanted. I wanted a perfect life, with my mom by my side. I wanted her to see me grow, start a family and i know i can't have kids, but there's adoption right? Well, i know the kids would find out about the vampire thing and maybe it would be to dangerous, but one thing is for sure. i want my mom back. The night when i first was told she had cancer, i remember crying in Stefan's arms feeling every wall i've ever built fall down and just letting the tears float on my cheeks. I wanted to help my mom and so i thought i did, until it turned out to be killing her even faster. I still blame myself for trying to help and even though it sounds stupid to blame myself for helping, i do. terribly. We "fixed" her so it went back to being the cancer that slowly and not very kindly killed her and then the day came and she took her last breath and I my last hope. She was my mom, she knew me better than anyone and letting her go couldn't have been any worse.

And then there's all the other things happening right before her death.

1. Me and Stefan

2. Stefan and I

3. Stefan and I kissing

I wasted my mom's final breaths on kissing Stefan, the moment i held my breath and my heart was skipping for him, she took her last. I miss her.

She's on my mind everyday, but so is he. After i turned my humanity off and Stefan finally admitted that he like me and i made him turn his off to and we went to crazy world and back, i'm finally sober. The storm has past and it's finally calm again, but you know what they say? It's always calm before the storm. And me & Stefan, is a hot mess.

I only kissed him once sober, i like using the word sober as a way of telling myself that my humanity is back on and when it comes to alcohol "sober" has absolutely lost it's meaning, because my diet is almost only consistent on alcohol and blood. Talking about kissing Stefan, we've had pretty mad make outs while being emotionless, though i would have enjoy'd them either way, but one thing i do regret is sleeping with him. Not because it wasn't good, but because we weren't sober. I wanted our first time together to be special, just like how perfect our first kiss was. I wanted it to be like in movies, with the roses and the candle lights and a guy, that wants nothing, but for me to be happy. I may be a vampire, but i'm still a hopeless romantic and Stefan, he has my dead beating heart. Lately i've pushed him away, i can't stand looking at him, because i know i spend my moms last minutes kissing him and how do you forgive yourself for something like that? 

"Caroline" he said as i tried walking away like i didn't see him. "You'r avoiding me" he said and i could feel him standing behind me and i knew he wasn't going to leave, so i turned around. "I'm not avoiding you" i said, maybe a bit to unsure. "Is that so?" he asked and looked at me with his i know you'r lying vampire look. I had pretty much all his looks figured out, but let's be honest i almost have everything figured out. Except for him and me. "I'm just trying to organise this wedding, like have you seen where they put the bar?" i tried to seem very annoyed with the hole wedding planning thing, but all i actually wanted, was to sort things out with him, even though i had no idea how i wanted this to be sorted out "Caroline.. Can we talk?" He asked and i now knew that he wanted to talk to me, just as much as i wanted to talk to him. He completely messed me up, he made me forget time and place and like that wasn't enough, he made me question if i was even myself around him. We walked down to a couple of hay stacks and sat down. My heart was beating incredibly fast and i tried to slow it down, but without any luck. He started rambling about Damon and how he was afraid to loose him and for a second i forgot about us and my heart beat went back to normal. Him telling me about his brother made me hate him even more, he was a good person and that was what i liked most about him. I could see in his eyes how much he loved Damon and how their relationship had done nothing but grow the past couple of years and how their brotherhood is becoming pretty epic, as Damon would say even though Damon probably wouldn't admit his love for Stefan that easily. "But forcing somebody to turn of their humanity on the other hand, that's pretty low on the selfish scale" i said, not knowing how he'd react, but he put his hand on mine and gave me that little smile, that i liked so much and said jokingly: "yeah, that's way up there" and on we went and him saying the things i've always wanted him to say, that he wanted to be with me, but i couldn't handle it. i could not give up control not even for him and me saying that made me realise how wrong i was, if somebody could make me give up control, it was him.

I left him sitting on the hay and wondered of, i wondered home. I wanted to clear my mind, i wanted him to get out of there. I told him about the list i've made, about how falling for him has changed my life and how grateful i am or am i? I hate being in love with him, because it makes me question everything i ever knew about myself and i really don't need that right now. I need to sleep. As i walked towards the bathroom, someone knocked on the door. I walked down the stairs and there he was. Standing on the other side of the glass, looking even hotter than he did earlier today, which is pretty impressive considering he was wearing a suit and a tie and now he was standing outside my door and i was about to close the door that i've just opened in my mind in my attempt to let him go and open the door for him