Heartstopper Oneshots

what if...

What if Nick had a darker past and no one ever knew.

A fight causing Nick to let everything out.

TW: swearing, anxiety, family issues, self-doubt, SH and suicidal ideation.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Charlie's POV:

A thousand voices are telling me to break the door down, I've been on that side of it before and now I know this isn't Nick's first time on it.

Nick's POV:

This shouldn't have happened.

It shouldn't have come to this. 

God I wish I'd never spoke.....

<Flashback>

It's a Saturday night. A storm has taken over the neighborhood and the sound of it has dulled my senses. A lot has happened in this house the past couple of weeks, this is the first time in ages I've had the house and me to myself, excluding Nellie, she's the only exception. However, something has got Nellie's attention as she sits up from my bed and sprints from the door. I look at a my phone, 6:25pm. Mum's not supposed to be back yet, she said 11:30 on the dot and the storm would've definitely delayed that. I follow Nellie, wondering what she could possibly have picked up on that he clearly couldn't. Dogs are better than most people he'd always claim, way smarter. She sat at the door, did she want to go outside.

"Sorry Nells," I say scratching behind her ears, "Not in this weather."

Suddenly, there was a continuous knock, whoever was on the other side was desperate and had probably been knocking for a while.

"NICK!!" I hear the voice say, it's Charlie.

With little hesitation I open the door, he shocked, from the rain and his own tears from the look of things. Another fight with his mum I assume.

"CHARLIE? COME IN QUICK BEFORE YOU GET SICK!" I yell over the rain. 

I go to get him dry clothes but dismisses me. Something's off, but I don't know what. He's never been like this before. I offer him a tea, he dismisses that as well. Yep something's definitely up. At this point the rain has calmed for now, I no longer have to yell to speak to him but then he gets to before I do.

"So do you wanna tell me where you've been the past couple of weeks?" he's pissed, in my mind he has the right to be so. I haven't been the best boyfriend everything's been nuts in this house, Charlie should've been my top priority and yet I'm pissed that's his main concern.

"Um hi nice to see you too." I say annoyingly, he doesn't say anything at least not with words, he's waiting for me to answer. I take a breath, "Look, I'm sorry you're right I should've at least messaged you there has just been a lot going on at the moment."

"With what exactly?" he replies, "If you'd looked at your phone, I've been trying to contact you. It's been a crap couple of weeks and you haven't been there when I needed you!"

I'm shocked and that shock slowly turns into rage, "Ok, look I get you have struggles Charlie. Believe me I do but I -" the rain picks up again and with that so does my biggest demon, God not now.

"NO YOU DON'T FUCKING GET IT NICK!!!" he yells, but with so much emotion, he is upset and I'm the one making him upset, "YOU HAVE THE PERFECT FAMILY, THE PERFECT HOUSE, PERFECT SCHOOL LIFE, THE PERFECT LIFE IN GENERALLY AND I'M NOT APART OF THAT CLEARLY!!"

Where is all this coming from, "FOR FUCKSAKE'S CHAR!! YOU KNOW THAT ISN'T TRUE I'M HERE FOR YOU ALWAYS AND I LOVE YOU, YOU ARE THE MAIN PRIORITY IN MY LIFE!!"

I'm half yelling over the rain and half yelling at him. He knows that what I'm saying is true right? Or is he right? Maybe he is? Am I wrong? How badly have I messed this up?

"REALLY?!?" he yells making me lose my train of thought, "BECAUSE IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE YOU DO?!?!" He's right, I'm wrong. I can do anything right. I'm the problem. The constant, I'm source of every issue he's encountered. All the pain he's endured. Because of me. 

He breaks through my thoughts again by pushing me, I land on the ground. You can definitely tell rugby and his progress have made him stronger. "ANSWER ME!!" he screams "TELL ME WHY YOU'VE BEEN GONE OR I SWEAR I'LL WALK RIGHT OUT THAT DOOR AND I WON'T BE COMING BACK!!"

And just like that the beast is let loose, "BECAUSE CHARLIE, I ACTUALLY HAVE SHIT GOING ON DESPITE WHAT EVERYONE BELIEVES!" The rain has stopped but I keep yelling, "MY DAD HAS CONTIOUSLY BEEN IGNORING ME, MY BROTHER'S BEING A HOMOPHOBIC PRICK AS PER NORMAL, MY MUM'S STRESSING OUT, I'M TRYING TO TAKE CARRY OF EVERYONE ELSE'S SHIT IN THE PROCESS WITHOUT FALLING BACK INTO OLD HABITS, SO BELIEVE ME I GET IT. AND YES, I KNOW THAT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE THE BEST WAY TO REACT AND DO THINGS BUT I'M TRYING FOR FUCKSAKE'S!"

Charlie just stares at me, "What old habits?"

I freeze up. Why did you say that? He doesn't need to know, he shouldn't have to know. You are just going to worry him. You aren't the person you are suppose to be. You need to get him out of here. No, you idiot he came to tell you the truth. It's not true, though. Isn't it? You've been ignoring for ages. If he's relapsed, it's because of you. Where were you? Has the darkness left you that blinded? Run, hide, like the fucking coward you are.

The voices are too much, I run up to my room fully aware of what's coming. I lock myself in, Charlie just steps behind me but he doesn't get inside. I hear him, "Nick! Nick please come out! I'm sorry! Please be okay." as he tries opening the door.

I then grab a knife David had given me, I remember what he said, "You deserved it then, you deserve it so much more now." I look at myself in the mirror. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it.

This shouldn't have happened.

It shouldn't have come to this.

God I wish I'd never spoke.....

Charlie's POV:

Old habits...

I shouldn't have been taking this out on him, I should've just talked. How did I not know? How did I not see it? I'm pounding on the door and twisting the handle. It's locked, there is something going on his side of the door, I can hear it; feel it. He doesn't deserve this. Nick is one of the kindest and most caring people in the world, he's always taking care of other people, not himself. It's my turn to save him.

But how? A thousand voices are telling me to break the door down, I've been on that side of it before and now I know this isn't Nick's first time on it. it suddenly goes quiet, I don't even think anymore. Adrenaline kicks in and I break the door down, I gasp at the sight. What did i just walk into?

A/N yes, what did he just walk into? (cliffhanger, sorry)