Miss Me?

Chapter 18

The past three months have flown by quickly. I got my office in my son's bedroom all fixed up to my liking, and I have been stocking up on things I will need for him, like diapers, baby wipes, baby shampoo, all the necessities. I have two weeks left before Malachi makes his appearance, so I went ahead and decided to take my maternity leave and start preparing for motherhood. Single motherhood at that. I haven't heard anything from Jacob. No calls, no texts, nothing. He got fired from our team at work, so I am not sure if he quit or what. I don't even know when or if he left the hospital. He really did it. He came back into my life and made me feel like I was all he had ever wanted just to leave me when I needed him the most. I do think of him often and when I do I have a bad habit of going into my son's room and getting into the rocking chair and crying. The tears have come less often though and I know I need to just push through and be strong for the baby. He is all I have left of Jacob, but he is a big part of me as well. I want him to know that I will always be here and I will do my best to be a strong mother and father figure for him. It hurts me to know that this little innocent human could not be wanted by someone. Especially someone who helped bring him into this world. Everything happens for a reason though. Maybe the reason for me seeing Jacob again was to give me something that I didn't even know that I needed. That's what I keep telling myself at least.

I shift around on my bed scrolling on my phone waiting for the last minute to get up and get ready for my weekly doctor appointment. I have become the biggest procrastinator over the past months or so. I make myself sit up on the side of the bed and rub my massively round stomach. "Rise and shine mama!" I hear Sammy yell as she is bouncing down the hallway. Oh God, I think to myself as I put my hand over my face. I push myself off of the bed and waddle over to my closet and grab my matching lavender colored sweat outfit with a black shirt and my comfortable black slide on shoes. It's freezing outside, but I stay hot and my feet are so swollen that I can't wear regular shoes anymore. I manage to squeeze into everything and make my way to the bathroom. "Ok, hair brushed, check, teeth brushed, check, face pudgy, check. No makeup today. I don't think I am really going anywhere to look good for anyone today." I say into the mirror. I make my way to the door and Sammy stops me. "Do you need me to go with you? You know, just in case it could be time or just moral support?" She said with a nervousness to her voice. I smile at her and motion for her to come and follow me. "Sure. I'm driving though." I said. She has taken a couple months off work to help me through the delivery and help me and Malachi settle in. She has turned into more of this child's father than his own biological father. I am so thankful that I will have help though. I don't know what I would do without her support.

We pull into the parking lot and head inside. I check in and it's only a few minutes before they call me back. She looks at me and I motion for her to come on and go back with me. I don't care for her being at this appointment when they check me since she's going to be in the delivery room anyways. They get me up on the table and lay me back so they can check and see if I am starting to dilate. "We'll miss Wattson, we might be having a baby sooner than we thought." the doctor says to me before I can even process it. "What do you mean sooner?" I said nervously. "Well, you are already four centimeters. Have you not been feeling any pain?" He said as he told the nurse to go grab some paperwork while he continued to look over my chart. "I have felt a little uncomfortable the past couple of days, but I thought that was just from how big I am and all the pressure of walking." I said looking at Sammy while she eyed the doctor like a hawk. "Okay. Here are the papers I need you to take with you to the hospital. I would advise you to go straight there. When you get there go to the maternity floor and they'll get you checked in. I say you will probably have this baby tonight if not early tomorrow morning. I may be there, or it may be the other doctor here you have seen. Good luck mama and hopefully I will see you and someone else very soon." He said to me, handing me the papers. Sammy jumped up and squealed. We bolted for the door and she was skipping like a schoolgirl. "We don't have to go home. I already packed a bag for you and Malachi in my spare time just in case something like this happened. Let's go grab a burger and let's go meet this baby boy!" She said so ecstatically. We went through our favorite burger joint and sat in the parking lot of the hospital and ate. "Can you believe it Anna, right now you're holding a burger, and by tomorrow you'll be holding your little baby." She said as a single tear fell down her cheek. I looked down at my burger and my eyes started to swell with tears. "Why are you crying?" I asked. "These are tears of joy. Why are you crying?" She questioned me. "This is one of the most important and special and significant days of my life and yet I am finding it hard to get excited and happy. I mean, I am happy and nervous, but I really thought that this was something that I was going to be doing with Jacob. It just hurts. Just knowing that this miracle is about to come into the world and see me and won't ever have a chance to see his father. He'll never have that bond from both parents that he needs and I am scared to do this all on my own." I say as my tears turn into sobs. "Don't say that. I am right here with you and no matter what I am going to always be here. You two will never be alone. I love both of you way too much to let anything happen to either of you. I know him not being here is hard and I understand that it is going to take a toll on you, but right now you need to focus. You are about to bring a human being into this world and the only man you should focus on is right there." She said pointing to my stomach. I looked up at her and I looked back down to my huge belly. I smiled when I saw a kick and I placed my hand over it only to feel another kick. She's right. I need to focus on Malachi and that's exactly what I am going to do. I raise my head and dry my eyes. I look over at her and tell her, "Let's do this." We got out of the car, grabbed the bags and headed into the hospital.