Warm Winters

Chapter 7 - Never Alone Anymore

I survived the drive. I found out the reason fairly quickly at my mom's violent behavior. She was at that point of a drunken state. She swerved into our driveway bumping our garage door and turned off the car.

"Get. In. The. House." She hissed.

She followed me into the house and I kept my distance on the other side of the living room. She was breathing heavily and stumbling. She dropped her coat and bag and finally turned to me. She grabbed everything in the entryway and began chucking them at me. Shoes, decor, plants, etc.

I tried to dodge or block the hits with my arms. Shielding my head from her attacks. "Mom stop!" She kept screaming and throwing things. "Mom! Stop it!"

"You ruined my life!" She screamed. "I wish I never gave birth to you!"

She grabbed the lamp. I ducked down as it shattered against the wall behind me. The lampshade came down smacking me in the eye. I cradled my face as I stood up. My mother, out of breath, stared at me one last time before heading upstairs to her room.

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After cleaning I grabbed an old lamp from the garage and set it up in the living room. I noticed the garage door was now slightly open from denting so I slipped a nail in the opener so people couldn't open it from the outside. I grabbed a glass of water then quietly headed to my room upstairs. The only thing I had was my phone that was in my back pocket.

I locked the door to my room and sat down in the quietness. I had a t.v. but no desire to watch anything in particular. I just didn't want to think, but my mind was on overdrive. I pulled my hair up and walked into the bathroom. I unwrapped my wounds feeling happy that the burns didn't blister. I cleaned my self off and finally looked at my face in the mirror.

A long purple mark was forming under my right eye on the cheek bone. The lamp shade broke the skin, a little dried blood oozed down to my chin. My phone kept going off, but I ignored it.

After my shower I bandaged my wounds and dressed in an over sized black hoodie and over sized grey sweatpants. I pulled my covers to my chin when finally the tears filled my eyes.

I let out a shaky breath as the sobs raked my body. Cries of pain left my throat. A long needed meltdown. My mother's words finally hitting me. The sense of being unloved and abandoned by both my mother and father. Not even they wanted me around. Before Giselle I never had real friends. Did Giselle just pity me? Was she just waiting for the right time to humiliate me? Was she waiting till it was a good time to get me back for how I treated her with a loud 'haha' to my face?

It hurt to even think about. In the short amount of time we have been friends I have grown to like her presence, but the guys? I knew why they were suddenly being nice to me. Because I was making Giselle happy. They may not like me or trust me, but they were willing to give me a shot for her. It warmed my heart slightly.

Would it be better if I wasn't around anymore? Permanently? If I just disappeared. Would anyone come looking for me? If I went missing? Would the police wave me off as some runaway only to find my remains years later? Would it matter?

My mind now flooded with black scribbles of my negative thoughts of self worth. If it was even possible my dark room grew darker. I buried my head in my knees. I knew I shouldn't think this way, but I couldn't help it. My mind wandered. The time now going from 8:50 P.M. to 11:00 P.M. in a blink of an eye. It felt like seconds were flying by not hours.

I heard my mom at some point humming as she got ready for work. She had paused by my door before leaving. I heard her car leave, leaving me alone in this empty house that I was supposed to call home.