The Risk Of Loving You | Bucky Barnes

10. Protecting you

After dinner, I naively wait for Bucky to come to me, but he apparently has other plans. I finally intercept him as he heads towards his room.

"Hey, Bucky."

He turns and gives me a brief smile. I have the unpleasant feeling that something is wrong.

"You were going to leave without saying goodbye?"

"I'll be back tomorrow night, you know."

His answer baffles me. One of my main concerns of the day turns out to be totally irrelevant to him. I feel like a fool. Did I imagine or misinterpret his kindness of yesterday?

"Um, yes, of course. Well... Good night, then."

"Good night." He says before continuing on his way.

The distance and detachment in his voice hit me harder than I'd like. Disappointed, I sit down on a stair step. After all, maybe he's just focused on his upcoming mission.

Scott snaps me out of my thoughts ten minutes later, finding me in the same place. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, and you?" I reply with a smile. "Ready for tomorrow's mission? I wish I could help, but I have no skills for all this superhero stuff."

"These are things you learn, you know. With practice and your strength of character, I'm sure you could kick some bad guys' asses too."

"The last time I asked Sam to show me some fighting techniques, he asked me a lot of questions, then ended up laughing and refusing."

"Maybe he'll change his mind after what happened."

"Maybe." I repeat thoughtfully.

We chat for a while before Sam shows up and sends us to bed, blaming me for tiring out his team.

The next morning, I lie in bed for a long time, hoping that the day will go by more quickly. However, it passes exceedingly slowly.

They may be discreet, but our security guards are a constant reminder of the threat hanging over our heads. I'll feel a lot better when our kidnappers are all behind bars.

The only event of the day is our first session with the psychologist, during which we share our feelings about the kidnapping and the violence we've experienced. If talking about it makes me feel better, it appears to help Sarah feel even better. Her face, full of worry since our arrival here, finally seems to relax a little.

We stay up late, impatiently waiting for our friends to come back, not knowing what time they'll be here. Tired of going round in circles, I finally go outside to get some fresh air. The night is clear and, apart from a few uniformed officers, the compound is deserted.

The Quinjet finally appears on the horizon, and then lands beside me, making my hair fly. I watch its passengers step off, looking for just one person. When my gaze meets his, I think I spot something in his eyes. Or maybe I imagine it, because he quickly looks away and walks past me without a single word. I follow him with my eyes, speechless. The others greet me and Sam announces with relief that the mission has been a success. I congratulate and thank them before going upstairs to my room.

No matter how many times I turn over in bed, I can't get to sleep. I analyze Bucky's reaction a hundred times over without coming up with a single explanation to justify his behavior.

I can't stand it any longer, so I get up and knock on his bedroom door. Perfectly awake, he seems surprised to find me here. I don't wait for him to invite me in.

"What's going on?" He asks, closing the door behind me.

"It's rather up to you to tell me what's going on. You've spent the last 48 hours ignoring me."

"I haven't been ignoring you."

"Then what's with all the distance suddenly? Don't try to make me believe it's a figment of my imagination."

He sighs and moves to sit on his bed. I lean against the wall opposite him, arms folded.

"For the past few years, when I went out to face enemies, each one crazier than the last, I went without any ties." He begins to explain. "This lack of attachment was my strength. Nobody meant enough to me to be used against me. There was only Steve, and he knew how to defend himself. But the other day, they managed to use you against me. And I can't accept that."

"So what? Did you just plan to walk away from me until I magically disappeared?"

"I wanted to keep you away from me before it was too late."

"Too late?"

"Before something happens to you, or... or before I get too attached to you to handle it."

"I'm not sure I understand. Are you telling me that you're trying to get away from me because you're afraid I'll become a weakness, and because you're not attached enough to me you have no problem doing it?"

"I just want to protect you."

"No, you want to protect yourself by abandoning me and building a pseudo heart of stone as if you were emotionally impervious. Do you think Sam's going to cut ties with his family?"

"He won't because he can't."

"But you can, because I'm not important enough for you."

A heavy silence follows my statement, while he doesn't even try to deny it.

Hurt, I turn and walk away. Once in my room, I close the door and lean against it, letting the tears roll down my cheeks.

I can't believe I was about to fall in love with this two-bit superhero.