Taken // Calum Hood

New beginnings.

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"Congratulations to each and every one of you. These past months have been very gruelling, but now they're over and we're saying goodbye." Our head teacher continued to ramble out through her wrinkly, thin lips. I zoned out. A frequent occurrence now.
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Congratulations for what? Was all I could think as she continued.
Spending every last minute of my life revising because I had nothing else to do? Realising I had no friends outside of the four best ones I'd had ever since I could remember? Spending most lunches alone in a toilet cubicle because I hated everyone else in this damn place?
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The only reason I was feeling a little more than empty today was because this was our last day of school. Ever. Not counting University of course. But I mean, I was finally free. This year had gone by so slowly, and it was still two whole months until the boys came back from touring.
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Nothing had changed in that perspective at least. I still spoke with Luke, Ashton and Michael every day, if not every week. Nothing had changed with Calum either. It had now been exactly ten months yesterday that he hasn't spoken a single word to me.
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I was still so in love with him. I was also extremely mad at him for making me still be in love with him. I wanted to hate him. Every time his name came up with my parents or his, I'd get this vile, bitter taste in my mouth, but my heart would still ache and my eyes would still tear up.
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I'd lost everything when they left. I Had no friends and no life. I missed them so much, it physically hurts to think about. I wasn't sure how much longer I could be this alone.
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~~~
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My walks home seemed to have doubled in distance when I started walking it alone. The damp pavement below was giving off that odd smell that wet Tarmac always seemed to give off after a rainy day, the same scent I was always so undecided on whether I loved or hated.
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My arms were beginning to ache slightly from the sheer weight of books that were piled sky high in my arms. I'd forgotten to bring a spare bag for cleaning out my locker and the consequence was larger than first assumed. I pondered over this being my last walk home when I tripped on a loose something or other, hurtling forward at full speed before plummeting straight to the ground. Brilliant. My palms stung bloody murder as I sighed at the scattered books which now surrounded me.
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Heaving myself up, I bent back down to start picking up the mess. My cheeks flaming at the thought of by passers staring and the faint giggles in the background. Why was I such a klutz?
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As I went to pick up the next textbook, my hand brushed against another. My eyes darted up instantly and everything inside of me tightened like a cloth wringing out water. He let out a deep chuckle. "If I remember correctly, this is exactly how we met." He recalled nervously.
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"Zach?" I whispered, shocked. He had moved school shortly after our incident last year and I hadn't spoken to him since.
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"In the flesh." He smiled, but soon scrunched up his face as if he was beating himself up internally. He gave a heavy sigh, before running a hand through his brown, thick hair.
"Listen, Hayley . . . I owe you an apology. I should never have done what I did that day." He said, never failing to stop eye contact.
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My mouth was so dry. Were mouths supposed to be this dry? Speak. I need to speak. He's waiting for an answer. Oh god, he looks like he thinks he's said something wrong. SPEAK.
"It's okay." I finally managed. "Thanks for helping with these." I mumbled, taking a step to the side and walking home as fast as I could.
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I could feel his gaze strongly upon me right until I turned the corner, but I didn't stop for a moment. What the hell just happened?
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~~~
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One knock, two, three.
It had to be Joy. She was the only one who ever came by these days. Especially if it was in the evening.
I looked down at my attire, pyjamas. A navy blue vest with thin strap sleeves and lace detail near the top.
Slightly slutty for my ex boyfriends mother. Did I care? No. It was too late anyway.
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"It's open." I yelled out to the shadow behind my front door. I heard as it clicked open, the familiar sound making something inside me flicker.
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Heavy boots marched closer and closer causing me to snap my head around in confusion. "What are you doing here?" I blurted as soon as I saw Zach tower above me, one hand behind his back.
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He looked as though I'd just slapped him across the face as his shoulders collapsed. "I'm sorry . . .I shouldn't have come. I just wanted to give you these." He explained, producing a beautiful bouquet of roses from behind his back. "You know, just to show I really am sorry.
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I smiled, warming up a little. I loved flowers. I think I told him once, but there's no way he remembers, is there?
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"Thank you." I stood, reaching out and taking them from him. "I love them." I added, leading him through, into the kitchen. He seemed hesitant at first but soon followed accordingly.
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I dug out a vase from our random bits cupboard and began to fill it with water before either of us spoke again.
"So is that all you came for?" I asked, setting the flowers on the dinner table nearly.
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He licked his lower lip nervously.
"Actually." He spoke softly. "I was wondering if you'd like to take a walk."
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I stared at him, gesturing to my pyjamas when he still didn't seem to understand. His features relaxed as something inside him clicked. "Oh! Right. Of course, sorry." He rambled. "Well, a walk in your garden would do. I just want some fresh air." He assured me when I gave him a look of uncertainty.
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". . . Okay." I eventually agreed.
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"Okay?" He confirmed, and I nodded, causing his infamous grin to break out widely. I followed him into the hall where he tugged his shoes back on with ease.
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I struggled to bend down and tie up the laces, but eventually managed, looking back up to see his eyes dart from my cleavage to the ceiling. His expression that followed seemed painful. His cheeks were glowing and he seemed so annoyed in himself, so I let it slide.
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"So what did you want to say?" I ask, knowing that there was no way he'd come for a walk in my average sized garden at eleven o'clock at night just for the fun.
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"Because I meant that I was sorry.
Am sorry. I shouldn't have been hooking up with Megan on the side. I knew it was wrong, I just . . . was an asshole I guess. I shouldn't have treated you that way, but most of all, I should never have said what I said to you the last time I saw you." He told me very honestly.
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"It's okay." I mumbled, feeling sorry for his guilty expression.
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"No. It's not okay. All that stuff I said about Megan was bullshit. I was just jealous you'd chosen Calum over me, I didn't know how to handle it and I flipped out."
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I thought over everything he was saying for a while. It was a lot to take in.
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"Sorry." He mumbled, leading me to sit down by my fence. "How is Calum anyway? Has the fame all gone to his head yet?"
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I bit my lip ferociously hard. Right until the point where I could taste blood.
"I wouldn't know." I forced out. "He hasn't spoken to me since they left." I admitted dryly.
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He sighed, carefully reaching down and taking my hand in his. His kindness surprised me. I'd forgotten what he was like before my hatred began.
"I'm so sorry, Hayley. I know how much he meant to you." He chose his words with caution. "He's a real idiot to have done that." He grumbled.
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"So people keep telling me." I sigh, wanting so desperately to escape this conversation. I didn't want to think about him, or talk about him, but I especially didn't want to remember. Remember how good it felt. How happy I was when I was with him.
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"I meant what I said that night, Hayley. When I came to your house. I meant every last word." He shuffled a little and I hoped my hand wasn't sweating in his. ". . . And I still do." He looked right at me, confident and assertive of what he was claiming.
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And then he was leaning in and then he was kissing me and my eyes were open and he wasn't Calum and I wasn't certain I was happy.
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But then again I hadn't been happy in so long that maybe I needed to relearn how to feel good, and maybe, just maybe, Zach could help me do it.
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Images of Calum and all his new 'buddies' who just so happened to be slutty girls flashed on repeat in my mind.
I wanted to make him angry. I want to prove that I'm over him too.
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. . . I want to move on.