The Ten Year Hex [Severus Snape]

9

Jynx had begged Severus for a moment, a day to gather her senses. In the state of mind she was in she would not be able to convey what she had seen, it would be a jumble of sobs and pieces of each scene. It wouldn't make sense. Dumbledore had not attempted to summon her, he abided by her wishes.

She sat on the edge of her large bed, fumbling with the photos in her hand. A young Severus stood over a boiling cauldron, his hair dangling in his face. She watched as he added something to the brew and a flash ensued. The photo looped over and over again as she stared. It was a candid shot, one of him in his most natural state. His focus had been on the bubbling contents of the cauldron, while her attention was on him.

She placed the picture in the back of the line and the next was of the two of them at Hogwarts. They were studying in the library, both of their faces in the same book. Then their faces met and they both smiled before returning their attention to the open pages.

Again she sent that one to the back of the line and the next was a photo of her and Demi. They stood posed in front of the large mantle in the house where they used to stay with some of their associates. The Christmas garland decorated the top of the mantle, with bells that hung down toward the fire.

She had begged Severus to decorate but he declined. Demi had helped her hang the bells. They stood smiling in front of their work by the fire. Just behind them, hidden in the shadows of the next room was a disgruntled face. His brows were dipped in disgust as he watched them. Severus. She thought he had left, he wasn't supposed to be there.

She thumbed to the next, a photo of her and a woman named Hilda, a woman she knew in London. She had met her in a pub and Hilda was intrigued by her talents. She begged for a reading and Jynx was more than willing. She spread the cards on the table and read her in the middle of the crowded pub, drawing a crowd of people who hoped to be next. Hilda was an older woman, probably in her forties. The visions Jynx had for her were odd, all the details were drowned out by shadow. Mostly dark rooms and secrecy. It was one of her strangest readings to date.

Jynx had only met Hilda once and it was long after she had begun living amongst the Muggles. Severus was only a memory at that point, so why was he one of the faces that surrounded them? Why was his one of the faces in the background of that moment?

The next was similar, a crowded restaurant. Jynx sat with her hands entwined with John's, smiles on both their faces. John always kept his dusty brown hair short and wore t-shirts that were too tight. He was a Muggle she had dated. Things had gotten pretty serious between them. She thought he was going to propose that night but he didn't, instead he told her that her business with reading cards didn't sit right with him and he had decided to see other people. It was disgusting really, how he had had her pose for such a sweet photo, only to break her heart soon after. Behind them, just to the left at a table covered by a white tablecloth was Severus. His dark eyes leering at the two of them over an open newspaper.

The last two photos were taken with Muggle cameras. There was no movement or life to them. So Severus' presence wasn't distorted, he stood out. He was a diamond among the dust in his black robes. 'I looked for you,' he had said. Why didn't he also mention he had found her. He had been lurking in the shadows of her life.

Jynx sat the photos on the bed next to her, this hadn't helped her relax like she had hoped. The photos had been tucked away since they were taken, this was the first time she had looked at them. She took a deep breath before heading for the door, snatching the top photo as she went. She would confront him first, then she would speak with Dumbledore.

It was dinnertime, so all classes were over for the day. Jynx stuck her head into the potions classroom to find Severus crushed under a large stack of parchment. He glanced up at her but his quill didn't stop. He quickly moved papers underneath it and into a smaller, neater stack on the opposite side of his desk. "Are you ready to speak to the Headmaster?" he asked, continuing his work.

"Actually Severus, I want to know when you found me," Jynx said as she crossed the room, stopping in front of his desk.

His hands abruptly halted and his face rose to meet her stare. "You mean when I came to your flat?"

"No," she placed one palm on his desk and hunkered down to meet him at eye level, "I mean the first time." She turned the photo clutched in her hand to face him. The one of him glaring at John. "Why are you in photos taken years before now?"

He let out a heavy sigh, "I told you I looked for you, I just never admitted that I found you," his eyes bounced between hers.

"Why didn't you come forward sooner? Why did you just hover on the outskirts of my life when you knew it would be better with you in it?" Her voice was shaking, she didn't try to hide the hurt that coiled so tightly inside her.

"I didn't know!" he shouted. "You left! You left me to pick up the pieces and you found a happy place among the Muggles. You were smiling and dancing in pubs and I was the monster from your past, left in the shadows," his hands were flying as he shouted. "What I knew was that you no longer needed me, so I didn't let you see me until Dumbledore requested that I seek you out and even then I took my time."

"So when you came to my flat-"

"I just wanted to see you, hold you. I had watched you live a life without me and then I had a chance to be a part of it again. I waited weeks before I told Dumbledore I had found you," a sad expression took over his features and his voice softened, "because I didn't know how to prepare to face you."

Jynx's demeanor had changed, her mouth hung open. She ran her fingers through her hair, pulling the long strands away from her face and composed herself. "All these years," she whispered, "I thought you still blamed me."

"For a long time, I did," he rounded the desk and stood next to her, "it was never your fault, but the depth of the hurt made me believe it was. You saw it, so you held the blame. Grief will do that, it places the blame elsewhere to ease the pain on your own heart."

"We grieve differently then, because I blamed myself. It was all my fault, all of it, until I realized it wasn't." she paused, looking up at him, "Until I let you go."

His brows drew together as he looked down at her, he placed his hand on the side of her face and she leaned into it, like it belonged there. It was a huge revelation, the fact that he had been in the background of her life for years and she hadn't noticed. That she only wished he had come forward sooner, before he had become just a footnote in her story. Someone she mentioned once knowing, instead of someone standing next to her in the moment.

She was already put on edge, in an uncomfortable position on the fence. She wanted him, wanted to fix what had been broken. However, this new information only made the fence taller, harder to climb down from and both sides seemed equally as foreboding. "Could you forgive me?" he asked.

"I already did," she whispered.

Severus opened his mouth to speak but his words were broken by the sound of fluttering wings against the window.