October 30th
I felt good today, like the light inside of me flickered, shedding a glow on how I used to feel.
But he’s still there, the monster, in the back of my mind, hiding in his shadow, reminding me of the bad things.
The fogs still there, I can feel it in my throat, the wisps encasing my heart. Writing is like the lighthouse, it guides me through the ruff ocean, avoids the sharp rocks.
My smile felt genuine, like it belonged on my face, it wasn’t a mask. I noticed the little things, the warmth of the spring sun on my skin, the soft green of a tree, the comfort of silence, the burn of exercise, of effort. The monster didn’t block out the positives, he didn’t cast his menacing shadow and turn my world black and white. I know he will though, make me numb, sad. He’s still there.
The tears don’t wash him away. I think it gives him the strength I’ve gained… I feel dull, trapped, locked inside myself and he has the key…
YOU ARE READING
Sweet Despondency
Teen Fiction~. Despondency: Low spirits from loss of hope or courage; Dejection: an air of despondency .~
