Picture Perfect

36.

~Sam~

Since news of my engagement to Kyler got out, there has been nonstop talk about how much of a whore I am. By other players, both players whose wives I used to be friends with, and players from around the league. I can't even go to a game without having slick shit said to me in passing or being asked to fuck.

Kyler always makes them pay though. He's gotten into quite a bit of trouble behind me: fights at practice that Jabari has had to get in the middle of several times, Twitter spats with internet trolls who have threatened us both, and the loss of respect he had from people who he considered to be greats.

And I feel bad. I've given him many outs that he just refuses to take. He's doesn't care about anything else but me and our unborn son.

I am just hitting 8 months pregnant now and he's worried that the stress caused by the world around us will harm our baby so we've put a pin in the wedding until further notice.

Elijah has come up with all type of ideas to fix this fucked up situation we find ourselves in, but there's no way to spin this. I fucked my husband's teammate and caused a bunch of drama that cost the team a pretty decent season.

And now I'm contributing to the "downfall of another black man" because Kyler is now suspended indefinitely for punching a player on the Bulls in the last game of pre-season. Granted, the player told him that if they beat the Lions, "the team gets to borrow me for the night".

At first he wouldn't tell me what was said, I had to ask Jabari and he didn't want to tell me either. But Elijah pulled it out of him as she wanted to know as well. How is it that these two men have been better protectors of me, than the man I met them through? My late former husband was the fucking tyrant, he was the cheater and the liar, he was the whore.

This is now a known fact. A few weeks ago, Elijah had me do the embarrassing instagram live thing where I had to make a plea to the public. I had to play the victim and share my experience despite how much it would hurt Garrison's legacy.

I was hurt, for years. But the only hurt that seems to matter is the hurt caused by Garrison's loss and the loss of a potential playoff run. I'm suffering and I can tell that my suffering saddens Kyler. I just don't know what to do.

We moved into a bigger space, which I love. It's farther away from our friends and our points of trauma, but close enough to the job for Ky's comfort.

He should be getting back in a few though. He just went to pick Jabari up from dropping Elijah off at the airport, where his new car broke down and had to be towed back to the dealership. She's headed to Nashville to pick the kids up from his parents, where they've been since the middle of off season.

They took a bunch of trips and spent that quality time together, leaving the both of them as happy as they were when Ky and I met them both. I sometimes envy how much at peace they seem to be all the time in their relationship. Even when they fight.

I want that peace, and I want the kind of love they share.

Kyler is amazing, but all this drama has me wondering if all this shit was worth the trouble of me leaving Garrison. I still don't have a single ounce of love for him, but at least he'd be alive. And at least I'd still have my spotless reputation. To be reduced to a whore is a crushing feeling. To be blamed for the all the men around me losing their shit, is painful.