Picture Perfect

2.

~Sam~

"I think I need something to do, like you. I kind of just occupy myself with little things like my lifestyle blog but it's not enough Eli. You and Jabari's mom managed to expand her Interior Design business out here so your days are filled with managing that. I want a real hustle too. My own money."

I try to think of all the things I could possibly be good enough at to convince Garrison to put some money behind.

"Yeah, you need an escape plan Sam. After today, it's just apparent that this situation really is an unhappy one for you and the shit breaks my heart. I've never asked because I feel like I know the answer but why stay?"

I shrug.

The first time I found out he cheated I was devastated. I left and vowed to never look back, but then I realized I was standing in the middle of an airport with nowhere to go.

Well there's one place I know I could go and be accepted with open arms still, but I just can't.

"I just, where I come from... it taught me to hold on to the good so that I could remember why I should get through the bad. Garrison was the good that got me through. But now, I think there's even better out there."

"No, there is. And if things ever get to be too unbearable for you where you are. Bari and I will have your back, you'd have somewhere to lay low so you could focus on the next step. But only when you're ready."

I truly do appreciate God sending me some good people, but it's up to me to make this move happen, if I always rely on others for help, I'll never truly be free.

I unlock the door and walk into our dimly lit home that just oozes a modern warmth. It's the one thing I'll miss when I leave my husband, this house. The ivory walls adorned with baby blue, sparkly gray, and rose gold artwork I hand picked from some the finest galleries in the world we've visited. My plush white living room rug that's managed to remain spotless after years of use. The kitchen I bake in to kill my boredom when Gare is on the road. This home has been my world. This home is my life.

Maybe things would be different if I was occupied with other lives to care for. But I can't create those lives with him. I refuse to be tied to him, to his turmoil.

I walk into the bedroom to find him out cold.

I get undressed and crawl into my spot opposite of him. He's a wild sleeper so I give him as much space as I can which means making myself small on the corner of the of the bed.

Just as I open my phone to look around on Instagram a bit, there's movement. And suddenly his arm pulls my body closer to his.

"Where you been at baby?"

"Out with our friends, I could ask you the same." I roll my eyes knowing he can't see my face.

But I don't get that privilege for long as he turns me over to look directly at me while he speaks.

"I got caught up out there with coach. He had a few investor friends of his he wanted me to meet. You know he's been encouraging me to think long term, I'm pushing past my prime here in the league. So I had to hear them out. But I was back around 4:30. I called." He rubs his thumb up and down my face.

"Yeah, Eli and I ended up going to see a movie since the boys went bowling."

He frowns his expression a bit.

"The boys?"

"Yeah, Kyler came out with us too. You were a no call no show so we went out later than we planned. He and Jabari had plans that overlapped." I explain to him.

"Ya'll found a replacement for me seems like." He laughs but I can tell he's a little hurt.

I just shrug.

"Speaking on investors, I've been thinking of finding something more productive to do with my days. I think I want to give running my own business a try. I really want to make a name for myself, and the way Elijah holds shit down has really inspired me." I plant the seed hoping it takes root. I just need an out, having my own stream of income would be it.

He sits up.

"Alexa, bedroom lamps on." He demands. The lights come on and I get a better look at his face.

His eyes get more and more guarded every time I stare into them. He knows what he does when I'm not around to witness, is wrong. He knows he's unclean, and he knows I know it.

He knows I haven't held onto his promise to change. I just don't care to bother him about it any more. That has to make him feel like shit. And he looks like it.

He's definitely put on a bit of weight from all the drinking. Still fit. Just thicker. He's let his beard grow out quite a bit. His skin isn't coco butter smooth the way it once was, he's been breaking out. Either its the way he eats or the fact that the bitches he lay with probably don't wash their sheets enough.

I have to admit, though I don't care that he cheats, I care enough to get an idea of who he may be bringing back home to me. But now, I don't even let him crawl around inside of me anymore the way I used to.

Not after the new addition to his line up. There are 5 he keeps in rotation. Tania who lives 7 miles east, Seraya who lives 20 minutes north, Sasha in Miami, and Garland in New York and the newest, and quite frankly, the sketchiest of the all, Drea out in Cali.

All I had to do was hire a P.I. to figure that out. Of course, all of them are under contract with the N.D.A's and all but it still surprises me that no one has cared enough to ruin his image to even try and speculate on his affairs outside of our marriage.

Maybe I give "good wife" too well. But I'm tired of it. I'm tired of being shackled by this illusion I play apart of.

"So, what is it you're thinking about?" He asks in a way that seems almost giving.

I shrug.

"I guess I need to find something I'm good at, maybe a passion."

"You we're always good at dancing, you're good with kids."

"So like a dance coach, or a teacher?" I raise an eyebrow thinking about the possibilities of both.

He laughs.

"Maybe a Dance Teacher?"

"Don't mock me Garri." I shake my head slightly annoyed.

"I'm not. I'm just messing with you baby. A dance studio might be a cool situation. But is it something you can be serious about?"

I think for a moment. I nod.

"I know I can, I've been itching to get back in the studio for a while not anyways, why not be in my own. I'm going to talk to Elijah about it and see what ideas she can come up with being that she single handedly organized the expansion of Casa De La Chic." I speak excitedly. I have a way out.

He smiles and rests his hand on my lap for me to take it. I give in to show solidarity.

"Let's do it then. Let's make you a boss baby." He takes my hand and kisses it.

Part of my wants to be petty right now, but I'm not going to ruin this moment. This sliver of calm, peace, and unity is all I've been longing for the past few months. We've barely even talked to each other since the start of the season.

Usually summer when he's off, there's a lot less interference from outside parties and we have more opportunities to connect like this. And suddenly I'm heartbroken by this fact.

I knew I was sad about our situation, I've just been in denial about how sad.

I get up and go into the bathroom as I just hate to let him see me bawling like this.

I can hear him get up and his footsteps grow closer to the door. But he doesn't knock, he says nothing. He always just says nothing.