Slasher: Devil's Rose #10

Chapter 24: Iris Callahan

"I am trying to figure out your MC life and how I fit into it," I explain, keeping my calm on the outside while I freak out inside, "It's so new to me. There are many things that I don't know about you because I can't.  I feel pushed away. I feel left out. You can know anything and everything you want about me, as long as I want to tell you. 

"You have a whole group behind you that holds a tradition to keep certain things hidden and understandably. I'm just expressing that as someone who is a planner, who needs reassurance for at least some of my future, part of my future, I feel a little lost. I feel as though I don't truly know you or your life because rules stop me from that."

Jax lets my words soak in. I'm sure he's trying to form a good response.

"I know this might sound weird to say, but thanks for telling me, Iris. You know that I've seen the way people get lost in the MC life. I've never wanted to be one of those people, but clearly, it's somewhat inevitable," he pauses, a small smile on his face.

My hand finds his as we sit together.

"I don't want to hide anything from you, ever. In the days that I've known you, I've opened up to you in ways that I haven't before emotionally," Jax continues, "I'm not saying your feelings are invalid because they're incredibly valid, and I am absolutely hearing you. 

"Because, yes, when it comes to Devil's Rose MC business and other things related to it, even if that includes my feelings, I do have to hide them. It's part of practically an oath you take. Mafia's have it too. It's a sacrifice all members of the Devil's Rose MC have to take. 

"It becomes hard to form relationships in that kind of life. In full honesty, there are some things that you aren't ever going to know. Old Ladies, which becoming one is the only way unless you become an official member, that you would get information. 

"But even Old Ladies don't know everything although I have a feeling most of our chapter's club members say more than they should."

I should have realized that he's lived through this before. As a child, his parents pushed him out so far, and when they tried to reel him back, it was in the worst situation. I'm talking to the expert of feeling this way.

"So you're telling me that the two ways for me to know all about you are to be an official member or an Old Lady?" I ask him, knowing the answer but needing clarification.

Jax nods his head and squeezes his hand around mine.

He stares deeply into my eyes, and I find myself feeling safer than I ever have before. He vibrates in power, almost as if he were a king or the leader himself. He drinks me in, his eyes flickering over my face and down my body. 

His shirt hugs his muscles, letting an uncontrollable desire pool in my stomach. I have not had a man hold his attention on me for this long...ever. My knees almost give out as his tongue darts across his perfect pink lip. 

How I long to run my hands through his hair. How I long for those shaped, muscular arms to be wrapped around me. Even though both of these things have already happened.

I feel my cheeks heating up in a blush, the tension between us so thick I might choke. He's just too goddamn handsome. He's too much. My body can barely contain itself, to the point of embarrassment. 

I'm so thankful no one, especially Jax, cannot read my mind. Jax doesn't even try to hide his own desire as I play with his fingers. He looks so handsome sitting there. His blue eyes burn into mine. They are much more beautiful than any other eyes I have seen. 

His brown hair falls into the perfect position, just messy enough. A light whiff of his masculine cologne enters my nostrils, doing nothing to calm the butterflies or the fire raging within me.

I don't realize that I have bitten my lip until he takes it out from between my teeth. His thumb brushes sensually against my bottom lip. His eyes continue to burn into mine. Jax's other hand brushes my waist, up my arm, and tucks a stray piece of hair behind my ear. 

An involuntary shudder makes him smirk dangerously at me while I try not to embarrass myself any further. I blush a deep red as I look into his eyes. I try to duck my head, not wanting him to see my growing redness, but he holds me still. Instead of making fun, he leans down to me to kiss my cheek softly.

Something inside of me shifts, like it knows something that I don't. It sits heavy in my chest, and I try to hide it from myself. I don't want to acknowledge it because then it will be real. I am definitely not allowed to feel what I feel right now. 

It's against everything that I'm supposed to be feeling right now. But it's all I can focus on now. The feeling of love growing in my chest, taking over every cell in my body with warmth. My entire form fills with a burning fire, and I want him to take up my space. I want him to be the person I can call mine. 

It's so ridiculous. 

Love, falling in love, is so incredibly ridiculous. But he's the only person I want to be in love with. I want him to be the one. I want to choose him from the moment I wake up to the moment I fall asleep.

"I'm not sure I want to become an official member, sweet boy. I think I'll leave that up to you."

"But what about an Old Lady?" he questions softly, knowing that I know what that means.

"Someday, yes, but only if it's for one particular guy."

"And who would that be?" he eggs on.

I roll my eyes at him.

"I think you know."

"Would rather hear you say it."

"One day then."

It's his turn to roll his eyes at me before he launches his large body into mine, making me crash back onto his couch. I laugh as his entire body weight crushes me, and he buries his nose into my neck, breathing me in.

"Oh," he mumbles into my skin, "Hudson, the owner of the mechanics shop you were curious about, got back to me this morning."

"When?" I ask excitedly.

"You were talking to Caterina. Anyway, he said he's definitely open to that. He needs help, and you're free to stop by whenever during the hours he's open. He's a nine-to-five Monday through Friday guy."

"Thank you so much, Jax. I seriously appreciate it. Because I think I would love to work there."

"Fucking anything for you. Are you kidding? I will do anything for you."

I smile into the open space of his living room, a sense of an unknown feeling rushing through my veins. It's so nice to be able to lay with him and not feel like I have to uphold a conversation or try hard to be around him. It's easy to be here and relax. 

I don't have to think about much or do anything differently than what I'm doing right now. So much of my life is entertaining others, and I miss feeling the weight of that off my shoulders. 

There is absolutely nothing that I need to do for him because lay here and be here. That's it. It has been a long fucking time that I've had that with a guy. It's not a new feeling, but it's good to have it back.

I massage his shoulders, partly to help him relax but also to casually feel him up. Jax groans into my neck and whispers a soft thank you before his eyes flutter closed, his body heavy on mine. 

But it's comfortable, safe, warm. He wraps his arms around my waist and keeps me against him. I have the day off, so I could stay like this forever, but Jax probably has Devil's Rose MC work to do. But I don't question it out loud, not wanting him to leave me. No reason to remind him of whatever he has to do today; he can just stay here with me. 

Taking a deep breath in, I let my eyes close as well, letting my skin soak up the sun that streams through the windows. This is heaven. There is no coming back to the real world after this moment. I can't face it.