Kanunay Nga Padulngan

Chapter 27

Pumikit ako at dinama ang yakap ni Third.

This is my best friend.

He was. He still is.

And it is without a doubt that Third deserves to hear my story.

Back then, he was always there to listen. Andyan para makinig, para dumamay. Ilang taon na ang lumipas... hindi ako  sigurado ganoon pa'rin ba... pero ano nga ba ang ikinakatakot ko?

What's done is done. I guess the least I can do right now is address the elephant in the room and see what goes from there. 

Hindi ko alam kung anong sumapi sa'kin para hilahin papalayo roon si Ikatlo. Ayaw niya sana pero wala na'rin siyang nagawa nang mapagtantong desidido akong humiwalay kami. I was holding his hand so tight and he was just there, holding me back even tighter.

The moon graced us with its light, kaya hindi madilim. Naupo ako sa buhangin, kaharap ang dagat. Naramdaman ko naman ang tahimik na pagtabi ni Third sa'kin.

Ilang minuto ring walang nagsasalita sa'min. Tanging hampas ng alon at pintig ng sariling puso ang naririnig ko.

"Vania isn't my biological daughter."

That was a very bold way to open up about what happened... but I don't know how else to say things.

Huminga ako nang malalim.

"Nabuntis si Yvonne.... Ang bata-bata niya pa... kaya syempre, ayaw ni Mama. She was just fifteen. It was a complete horror for us... especially for our mother."

Lumunok ako at pumikit. Para akong ibinalik sa pagkakataong iyon. Sa araw na dumating si Mama at sinabi sa akin ang balitang iyon. It was like yesterday. And it hurts... just like yesterday.

"Umuwi si Mama noon, biglaan. She wanted to process my papers so I could fly out of the country. Hindi ko alam kung papaano 'to dapat sabihin... pero... iyon ang dahilan kung bakit ako umalis. Inako ko ang bata. Pinaako sa'kin... kase mas kaya ko raw."

Hinayaan kong dumausdos ang luha sa sariling pisngi.

"I was so shocked. Nagalit din ako. Kase bakit ako? Bakit dapat ako? Bakit hindi si Yvonne ang humarap sa kung ano man ang nagawa niya? Pakiramdam ko noon, walang-wala ang mga pangarap ko kung ikokompara kay Yvonne. Parang ayos lang na matigil ako sa pag-aaral at mahusgahan, basta siya, hindi. I love my sister, but I would be hypocrite if I'd tell you it was completely okay for me to give up my dreams for her sake."

It stings differently now. Now that I have Vania. Hangga't kaya, hangga't pwede, gagawin ko ang lahat para protektahan ang anak ko. I would never want her to go through such pain. I wish she never encounter any circumstance that will make her question her worth, that will make her think she's lesser compared to someone else. O kung sakali man na malagay siya sa sitwasyong 'yun, I want her to remember what she's worth.

I felt Third's hands claiming mine. Dinala niya iyon sa kanyang labi at hinalikan nang marahan.

"Ayokong idamay ka sa mga pasanin ko... kaya pinili kong umalis nang walang paalam. At sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam kung papaano sabihin sa'yo noon. Naghalo na ang sakit at pagkaduwag..."

I can hear his heavy breathing... like he's having a hard time absorbing everything I've said. At iniisip ko pa lang na nasasaktan siya, lumalala lang ang sakit na nararamdaman ko. It was like we were feeding off of each other's energy.

"I'm sorry if you felt alone during those times, bub. Hindi ko na maibabalik pa ang oras... pero sana... hinayaan mo akong damayan ka. I was always so willing to share your pain."