Beholder

Chapter 43

BEHOLDER.
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Chapter 43.
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NOKWANDA.
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I allowed the breeze to hit my face and the air instantly recognized as one of it own because I was home. I hadn't told Jason about this trip back home. I just decided to take my son and just took the first plane to Durban. I needed something to comfort me and it certainly wasn't about to be him because he was the reason I was in such immense agony. I hadn't stopped crying since he told me how the tumor was growing back in his brain and how he was scared that this time it was here to finish him off. The fear in his eyes constantly shows up in my dreams and tells me that we have lost this battle and my heart couldn't bare it.

"Kwanda!" That was Zoe and that's when I realized tears were spilling out of my eyes. I quickly wiped them away but Zoe gave me worried eyes. "What is going on?" She asked but I shook my head. I knew if we talked about this here than Cebo would wake up and hear all about his dying father, I didn't need that. I wanted to protect him as much as I could.

"I'm fine Zoe." I looked out the window and I heard her sigh and just decided to not say another word for the rest of the road.

I have often heard people speak of how unfair God is and I have always said that wasn't the case. I have always said that he may sometimes do things that we do not understand but he does them because he loves us but this. This is not love. This cannot be a part of his plan for my life. I refuse to let this be a part of his plan. There has to be another plan. There has to be another. I felt my heart tightened as I thought of the last time I was here with Jason. The last time this happened. He left me to marry Emma and I was left pregnant all by myself and here it was once again. History repeating itself only this time. It was the grave that was taking him away from me.

Zoe drove us to her place, she placed Cebo in her room since he was sleeping whilst I sat in the lounge with my mind wandering off to Jason. How could I find myself here once again?

I should have stuck with Sandile. My phone rang and I saw it was Jason. He been calling all morning but I couldn't bare to talk to him. I would cry as I have been doing for that past 2 days. It kept on ringing till it stopped and that's when Zoe walked in her lounge. "He's out like a baby." I laughed at how she said baby because that was he was. Just a baby. He didn't deserve to grow up without his father. He didn't deserve what God was trying to do to him.

"Hey,Hey." That was Zoe rushing to me and I couldn't even understand myself cause I was laughing at my own stupidity for thinking that God could once be on my side and I was also crying for my son who had to suffer because I chose a dying man as his father. How could I have been so stupid? I literally got myself a whole reject of a white dude. Who knows maybe he even got with me because he was dying.

"Nokwanda kanti yini?" Zoe's tone was filled with so much emotion. I was still crying in her arms when Thamie and Phiwe barged in here with so much excitement but only for it to die down the moment they laid their eyes on me. They rushed over to me and Phiwe knelt before me but I couldn't stop my tears. I just weeped so uncontrollably and my friends tried to console me but I was too far gone in my pain. "I am such a fool." I cried.

"What has Sandile done?" Thami angrily asked and I had even forgotten how I had not told my friends how I was not only dating Sandile but was also dating Jason and that he was the reason for my pain.

"Jason."

"Hayi,hayi Kwanda. You're crying this much because of an ex?" That was Thamie, I could tell she got bored instantly at Jason's name.

"Awukahle." Phiwe shoved her roughly but she rolled her eyes clearly not sympathesising with anything that had to do with Jason.

"He's dying." I said and everybody kept quiet  even Thami seemed like she was grasping the news. "The tumor is growing back and I don't know if this time he wants to fight. He said he was tired." I was still a crying mess. "What of me?"