A Blip in Our Lives ~ Crowley x Aziraphale

An unwelcome visit

Aziraphale silently sat in his library, staring blankly at a book he had decided to try and read to distract himself. It hadn't worked. His mind continuously wandered back to Crowley, to the hurt so evident to him the last time they spoke, to the times they had dined together, Crowley patiently watching him eat - despite their distaste for eating, their joy at being able to save Aziraphale, even if they'd never admit it. He shut his book and set it down before he'd get a tear on it and ruin a page. He sat back in his chair, letting out a shaky sigh while trying to keep himself from crying, desperately trying to hold the flood gates closed, until nightfall at least.

Suddenly there was a knock at the bookshop's door. "We're closed." Aziraphale's voice rang out, fighting to keep his voice steady.

The door's lock clicked and swung open, revealing Michael. Aziraphale quickly pulled himself together as he stared at Michael.

"Why are you here?" He couldn't hide the distaste in his voice.

"That's no way to address your superior Aziraphale." Michael lectured as she shut the door behind her and moved towards Aziraphale, "I'm just here to check in, make sure a certain demon isn't here." She grimaced, glancing around

"I assure you-"

"Yeah I know, just your sloppy appearance is evidence enough that you have seen him recently." Michael cut off Aziraphale condescendingly, rolling her eyes. "No, what I'm here to actually do and why I offered to check myself is because I wanted to amend something I had said previously."

She paused and Aziraphale waited silently, unable to hide his glare.

"Of course, Crawley will still have a date with holy water if you tell anyone of this deal you've regrettably made, but in case you think you can slip under the radar, I'll take the last thing I can from you." Michael laughed as she looked around the bookshop.

"The bookshops still considered-"

"An embassy, yes I'm aware, Aziraphale." She snapped, glaring at Aziraphale before starting to walk around him. "You can keep your stupid bookshop, I was talking about something else..." She murmured, running one of her fingers along the part of Aziraphale's back where his wings would be. Aziraphale felt his blood run cold at the implication.

"You- You wouldn't be allowed to take my wings.." Aziraphale tried, quickly moving away from Michaels touch and she laughed.

"And who would you tell? You wouldn't be able to get to Heaven and you wouldn't have Crawley to go tattle to hell to try and get Beelzebub or one of her lackeys to drag me to hell either."

Michaels threats held a hefty weight. Aziraphale would gladly trade his wings for Crowley, no hesitation, but to lose both? All he'd have is the bookshop and the mortals he had befriended, whom he'd long outlive, being forced to watch them grow old and slowly die. He didn't think he could take that.

He'd much rather walk into hellfire than risk what little he'd have left if he failed. Because for as little as his wings meant to him now, at least if he were to lose Crowley, he'd still have something he'd not outlive left. Even the bookshop would crumble one day.

But he'd still be here.

Michael smirked at Aziraphale's silence. "Well, I'll take my leave now, leave you to your sulking." She laughed before leaving, shutting the door behind her.

Aziraphale was frozen in place. Were the archangels really this cruel? He knew they hadn't been the kindest in the past, but that was for the great plan, which had turned out to not even be the true plan anyway, but even with that knowledge, they were still this bad now?

Maybe Crowley was right for disliking them all this time. Maybe... Just maybe, he should've listened to Crowley earlier. But he had sealed their fates now, and he was terrified of that. All he could do was cry and pray that Crowley would hear him out once the 600 years were over. And knowing Crowley? The chances were slim to none.

Aziraphale simply miracled the bookshops door locked, pulled his knees to his chest - not caring that he was putting his shoes on his seat - and started to weep. He wept for Crowley, whom he knew he had hurt terribly, he wept for his friends whom he knew he was worrying in his condition, he wept for betraying Crowley's trust, he wept for the relationship he knew he had almost most certainly lost.

He cried, not for himself, for he didn't care of the pain he had inflicted on himself, he most certainly deserved it he thought. No, he cried for those he cared for that he knew he had hurt.

"How foolish of me to think this would only affect me and Crowley.." He thought to himself, shaking his head sadly, "How foolish of me to think hurting Crowley for any reason would be worth it..."

He cried until his eyes dried and the sun set. He slowly moved to stand, going into the backroom and grabbing a book he kept hidden away, a book for only his eyes. He cracked it open, looking at the many photos of him and Crowley together from throughout the ages. Even paintings of the two together before photography existed were carefully copied and printed to fit. Aziraphale bit his lip, the hole he felt in his heart growing larger. Crowley looked so happy in the photos. Aziraphale felt his heart drop.

Would he never see Crowley's smile in person again? The mere thought of that terrified him and shook him to his very core. What would he do if that were to become his reality? He surely wouldn't be able to survive it. He wanted to...

He didn't know anymore.

He didn't want to keep crying, yet he did, he wanted to do was cry until he'd drown in his tears. He wanted to kill Michael and Gabriel for roping him into this but he didn't have to take the deal.. Plus, he hadn't killed anything before, he doubted that he even could. He wanted to scream but the sound seemed to be stuck in his throat.

So he just stood there, staring at the photos of him and Crowley. He had been happy in the photos. The only time Aziraphale had ever felt truly happy was when he was with Crowley.

The serpent he was supposed to thwart. Funny how destiny played its cards, the thing Aziraphale was supposed to destroy, to keep in check, to be enemies with was the one thing that had made him truly happy, showed him what life could be if he followed his own heart - even if it hadn't been intentional.

He was the one who taught Aziraphale to be truly happy. Now Aziraphale was teaching himself how to be at rock bottom, and dig himself further down.

He was supposed to destroy Crowley but it seemed the roles had been reversed.

And it was by Aziraphale's doing.