Like Starlight and Wine (A Baldur's Gate 3 Astarion x Tav Fanfic)

30. A Drunken Night And A Bear

Given everything that's happened to us within the last twenty-four hours, I haven't been able to commit much thought to Astarion or that night we spent together. But now, as the camp begins to quiet down and I find myself staring up into the starry night sky from the comfort of my bedroll, the pale elf manages to worm his way to the forefront of my mind once more.

We haven't really had any time to discuss what happened between us. Or maybe it's more like we've been avoiding it. Honestly, what is there to discuss anyway? As intimate as that night had felt in the moment, I know there is still an insurmountable wall between us - one that keeps each other at bay. He's still closed off from me, still keeping me at arms length most of the time as if he doesn't trust me to not ram my war hammer through his skull at any given moment. Not that it's a wholly unfair assumption based on my darker nature. 

 Yet, despite the time we have spent together, Astarion still doesn't completely trust me. And I would be a hypocrite if I said I could completely trust him myself. After all, he had only been seconds away from splitting my throat wide open on the day we first met. His sense of self preservation is higher than most, and I'm not sure what he might be willing to do to save his own skin if the moment arose.

Still... there have been a couple of brief moments where Astarion seemed to go out of his way to help us, even if he didn't seem to get anything out of it. He even put himself in danger a time or two to protect us... to protect me. 

As I lay on my bedroll, my mind flitting in and out of recent memories, I am reminded just how little I still know about our elf friend... and just how much he keeps so carefully hidden from us. And though I know I should allow him that privacy, for some reason I feel a deep ache in my chest - a longing to know more about him. More about his past and about his suffering at the hands of his old master, Cazador. I want to know it all. I want to know everything.

Slowly I pull myself up out of my covers and sit there for a moment, my eyes turning to the empty bedroll near mine. Astarion isn't in it. He rarely ever is. He's left the camp again on another late night hunt for a meal. Another boar, no doubt. Maybe something even bigger. Hopefully not another owlbear, I think with a roll of my eyes. 

Some small part of me wishes I'd been the one he snacked on tonight, but I quickly dismiss the thought as being utterly ridiculous. Who would wish for a vampire to bite them? Besides, I'm already bloodless enough from his last few meals, and judging by Astarion's hearty appetite, he would have to drain me completely dry to feel anything close to satiated. Still, it's a decent excuse to feel him close to me, isn't it? But no... That is the worst excuse yet.

I shake my head violently. What in the Hells is wrong with me? I had already told him he could only have my blood when he really needed it, and I will stick by my words. Godsdamn him, what is this hold he has over me? I can't say whether it's his elfen charm, or some strange vampiric glamour, but either way I refuse to let myself fall prey to it. At least, that's what I tell myself even though I know I'm already eyeballs deep in this mess.

With a heavy sigh of annoyance, I begin to slither back into my bedroll, determined to purge my mind of all thoughts about Astarion and finally get some shut-eye when a sudden rustle in the bushes nearby causes me to freeze.

My head spins in the direction of the sound, but I see nothing except the forest treeline. After a few moments of silence, and of convincing myself that it had only been a breeze playing at the leaves, a figure suddenly bursts though the foliage, stumbling out of the darkness and into the circle of our camp. I startle to my feet, my hand shooting for my weapon laying nearby and ready myself for a fight. 

First we had to deal with that devil wretch, Mizora! I think with a low growl, gritting my teeth at the memory. Who in the Hells could be intruding into our camp now?