Pretty Little Liar

40~Forgiveness

It's been a month since the entire fiasco and the news about me got out and now it has sort of died down.

Although people still whisper in the halls and during classes.
It's not as bad as before.

Everything has changed. I always knew this school was not my cup of tea, but now it's become so toxic and it's almost unbearable.

I've never wanted to graduate as much as I do now.

We have 3 weeks left, but it feels like time is moving so slow.

These final exams are stressing me out so much that I have discovered 3 gray hairs on my head and I'm only 18!

My usual regimen is to come to school, take my exam and leave. Which is exactly what I am going to do when I finish this exam.

I am currently taking my biology paper and all I can think about is leaving.

And Jay.

He's sitting 2 rows in front of me and I keep staring at the back of his head.

I don't even know what we are anymore.

It's not the same as before. I can't bring myself to say more than 5 words to him.

All we do is stare in awkward silence and pass each other in the halls, like we don't know each other.

I've thought of talking to him about it, but I always chicken out.

What would I even say?

'Hey Jay, let's get back together and act like the past month never happened'

Did we even break up?

Does he even want to date me anymore? We are graduating in 3 weeks, what's the point?

I snap out of my thoughts and continue taking my exam.

The timer thing in the front goes off, signalling the end of the exam and the invigilator takes everyone's papers.

Immediately he takes mine, I jump out of my seat and I leave the room.

The hallway is not nearly as crowded as it usually is which is good.

Although one thing that hasn't changed is Kayla and her snotty ways.

I wonder if she knows the only reason she didn't get expelled was because of me?

Even if she does, she most likely will not acknowledge it.

She is talking rather loudly with her 'friends', most likely about me, and it irritates me to no end.

It's times like this I wish I let Mrs Grace ship her back to Jamaica.

I shrug and start my walk back to the hostels.

"Prada" the familiar voice causes goosebumps to flare up all over my skin.

I'm almost afraid to turn around, but I do.

Trapped once again in his hypnotic gaze, I strongly resist the urge to tell him how much I've just missed being in his presence.

"Hey" I internally scream, because of how awkward this entire conversation is.

"Can I talk to you please?" He asks.

No one is around so I nod.

"Prada it's been a month, a whole month of us acting like we don't know each other. I know things have not been the smoothest but can we go back to at least being friends, because this whole stranger thing is not working"

But I don't want to be your friend.

I don't tell him that, although I want to.

I want to be his girlfriend again and act like the past month didn't even happen.

"Okay"

The ground should just open up and swallow me whole.

"Let's not ignore each other anymore Prada. Let's just make the most of these three weeks"

"Yes, we should. So I'll see you around then" he nods and I start to walk away, and I hate myself more with each step away.

Maybe I should just make the most of it.

Being his friend again won't be so bad.

I pause a good 6 times to catch breath while climbing the stairs to get to my dorm room, and when I finally make it up the stairs, I see Kayla standing by my door.

I really am not in the mood to deal with her, not after climbing 5 flights of stairs.

"Prada-"

"Look, I'm not in the mood to argue Kayla, please move so I can get inside"

"I didn't come to argue" she says and I send her a confused look.

"I just wanted to apologize"

"Oh now you're sorry. You weren't sorry when you exposed my only secret to the entire school. You weren't sorry when I was being made fun of on the internet. You weren't sorry when you tried to get my boyfriend to break up with me because you were jealous. Okay I forgive you, now go away"

"Please Prada. I'm sorry. I'm actually sorry. I let my jealousy get the better of me. When Mrs Grace told me I was getting expelled, it occurred to me that I was being stupid and I had just dug my own grave. But she called me back and told me I wasn't getting expelled because of you, I started to feel bad. I'm so sorry Prada. I really am" Her eyes are glossy with tears and I start to sympathize with her.

Against my will, but still.

"You have no idea what you put me through, the countless tears I shed because of you. The embarrassment and humiliation I had to face just because you got jealous" I say and tears roll down her face.

"I'm sorry Prada. Please you have to believe me. I am so disgusted with myself. I would have never come to apologize, I would have ignored it completely, but the guilt was eating me up. Every single time I saw you I would feel so bad for everything. I just had to. Please forgive me Prada. I'm so terribly sorry for putting you through all that. I would go back and change everything if I could"

I don't want to forgive her. I really don't, but seeing her crying for my forgiveness is making me feel bad for her.

"It's okay. Stop crying, I forgive you"

"Really?"

"Yes really, now wipe your tears before someone sees and starts a new rumor"

"Thank you. I'm so sorry for treating you the way I did. Sometimes I actually wanted to be your friend, but I thought against it"

"We probably would've ruled the school, don't you think?" I say.

"We could still. With Amelia of course. My friends actually suck" she says.

"They do. We could be friends. Amelia needs some convincing, but she'll get around"

"Sure. I'd like that"