My Psychiatrist || Soukoku

5|| Undone By Grief

Hello ^-^! 

Welcome to the new chapter! 

I hope you all are doing well! 

Warning! 

This chapter contains the mentions of death. If you are uncomfortable with it, please don't read the chapter! I won't tolerate any hate comments. 

If you decide to read anyway, enjoy ^-^! 

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Osamu Dazai

My mind was like a dark, cold place which was filled with despair and hopelessness. I struggled alone and helplessly in this dark place, not knowing how to get out of it.

During this time, I felt like I was alone in this world and for a long time, I had no one to turn to. My days were filled with overwhelming despair and sadness, but one day, something changed.

A psychiatrist reached out to me and offered me a glimmer of hope. I found comfort in the knowledge that someone cared about me and I was not alone. With the help and encouragement of him, I slowly began to pull myself out of this darkness.

The depression, though still existed, no longer had a hold on me.

With Chuuya I felt like, I could defeat everything on my way.

He was always there for me and never let me down. He was always trying to make sure that I was okay and he was really understanding to my needs. I felt like I finally had found someone who truly cared about me and my wellbeing. 

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I was surprised to see Chuuya in the Nameless Alley that night. I had never expected him to show up here... I watched Chuuya to wander around the valley and looked at the drawings I made with a loving expression on his face.

I touched Chuuya's shoulder and when he looked at me. "What are you doing here?" I asked with sign language.

"I couldn't sleep. I kept wondering what that 'Nameless Alley' mean and with a little research I found this place." He said and gave me a hug. His words, his warmth and kind action let me know that he really cared about me and this was not only because he was my psychiatrist. This moment made me come feel safe and loved, reminding me of how the real importance of communication isn't only language but the bond between two people.

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"So, Dazai. Why is this place so special to you?" Chuuya asked me.

I paused for a moment, not sure how to answer. I had an array of memories in this place: childhood days spent playing hide and seek, little arguments that had no gravity to them and deeper secrets that no one ever knew... How could I possibly articulate and condense it all into the words?

"It's like a part of me." I finally wrote into my notebook. "I have been coming here for as long as I can remember. It's a part of my life. Whenever I think of it, I'm filled with a warmth that I can't explain. The place is special to me and I will carry it with me wherever I go."

Chuuya nodded his head, understanding what I was trying to say. We spent a few moments in comfortable silence, just taking in the melancholic beauty of the place before us.

As I looked around, I couldn't help but think of how much this place meant to me, both good and bad... I thought of the laughs we have had, the tears we have shed and all the memories are made there, but most importantly I thought of Odasaku who had been there with me along this journey of life. This was the place where we have grown together and nothing could that away from me...

Also it was the place where I lost Odasaku...

This was why this place was so special to me... 

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I wanted to curl up and hide from the world. I had never experienced such an intense grief before, but two weeks ago, my best friend Odasaku had been killed in a fight by people who I believed were sent by my so called parents. Everything had been so wrong since then. I stopped talking. I hadn't speak even a word since then.

I plodded along the alley, tracing Odasaku's last steps. I knew I was being morbid, but it was my only connection to him now. I wasn't the same person I had been before... Nothing was the same...

When he rounded the corner, I saw the bloodstain on the back of alley where Odasaku had taken his last breath. I covered my mouth with my hand, feeling my chest tighten painfully. Tears ran down my face as I reminisced. We had been inseparable since childhood... Odasaku was 5 years older than me. That's why he was like the older brother I never had.

I reached out and gently touched the wall, wishing with every fiber of my being that I could turn back time and save him.

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I touched Chuuya's arm to get his attention and began writing to my notebook. "This place is also the place where I lost my best friend." I thought to myself as I felt a tingle of nostalgia wash over me.

Chuuya looked at me in confusion, so I explained. "It happened here a year ago. Odasaku and I had been friends since childhood, but he was killed in a fight." I wrote with sadness. Then I added. "I wish I could have changed things so that he wasn't taken from us..."

Chuuya looked at me with sad eyes as well and spoke with a heavy voice. "I know how it feels to lose a close friend. I'm sorry for your loss, Dazai."

I nodded my head weakly and carried on writing. "It has been a long time, but nothing has really changed since then. I guess one of the hardest things in life is to cope with the loss of our loved ones." I felt tears start to prick in my eyes and stopped writing. I looked up at Chuuya. "I miss him every day."

Chuuya wrapped his arms around me in a comforting hug. "I know it's hard, but you will get through this, Dazai. Just remember that he is still with you in spirit and heart."

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I nodded. I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself down. "Thank you." I whispered softly. This was the first time I spoke in a year.

Chuuya's eyes sparkled in excitement and gave me a warm smile. "No matter how much time passes, never forget those what we have lost. They will always a part of us."

I returned the smile and hugged him back eventually.

Chuuya's embrace was a reminder that I was not alone even though I had lost my best friend. I still had someone who cared about me and that gave me the strength to keep going.

"Let's go." He said and put his arm around my shoulders. Together, we walked back to the spot I once thought of as home.

It was a bittersweet for me, since it was missing the warmth and I used to feel, but with Chuuya by my side I could still move forward.

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Chapter 10 will be final! 

So we are in the halfway of the story! 

I will update the next chapter tomorrow! 

So, if you love my story, please stay tuned! 

I love you all ^-^~! 

See you in the next chapters >~<~!