My Psychiatrist || Soukoku

3|| These Nightmares Won't Let Me Sleep

Hello ^-^! 

How are you all? 

I hope you are doing fine! 

Think this chapter as a transition chapter. I promise there will be better chapters! 

Anyway, enjoy ^-^! 

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Dazai Osamu

I was turning and tossing in my bed, overwhelmed because of the nightmares. 

The nightmares took me back to that day and to that alley... I could still feel the coldness and darkness of that alley... I woke up breathless. My heart was beating loudly. 

The cold air coming from my open window was making me shiver. 

I got up and closed the window shut, then I went back to my bed, grateful that I was in the warmth of my bed, far away from the coldness and darkness of that nameless alley. I let the warm tears roll down my face. My sleeps were not peaceful for a year... 

I was trying to grasp the hope that everything would be alright that was living in me... 

The long, dark nights made me feel like no matter what I did, nothing would be alright anymore, I was stuck in the depths of my own hell. Nightmares were wrapped around me like chains that I could never escape from.

I felt like the weight of the world was on my shoulders and I couldn't move. 

I was in despair and my mind echoed with thoughts of failure and emptiness. I was spiralling down into a deep depression, feeling hopeless, helpless and lost. I began to feel like I was stuck in the darkness forever and no light was ever going to reach me. 

I let the tears to stream down my face. 

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When I woke up, I changed my clothes and unlocked my door. The house was silent. I could be at peace. I walked to the kitchen and made a cup of coffee. I didn't like to have breakfast.

"Good morning." When I heard Chuuya's voice I turned around and nodded my head. 

"How are you feeling today?" Chuuya asked. 

I told him I was feeling good with sign language and I got up to make another cup of coffee for Chuuya. "Ah, are you making coffee for me too?" 

I nodded with a smile. 

"Thank you." He returned to my smile. 

It seemed like, my silence didn't disturb him at all. 

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He took a sip from his coffee. "Dazai. Are you feeling comfortable enough to tell me what disturbs you?"

I sighed. The sentence was too long to tell it with sign language. So I began writing it down as Chuuya was waiting patiently. 

I'm having difficulty understanding why I keep making the same mistakes in life. It feels like I will never learn no matter how hard I try. It's like I have no control over my own actions and it's incredibly lonely. 

Chuuya read it and nodded his head in understanding. "Do you feel like telling me about it more in depth, or would it be easier for you to just tell me what you are feeling right now?"

I thought about it a little. It was nice that he wanted to listen my problems. Even my own parents didn't want to listen my problems. I appreciated his gesture and I felt grateful for his generous offer. I knew that he was a sincere and kind hearted person and I was glad to have him as my... Friend? I thanked him for his willingness to listen and I told him that I would let him to know if I ever needed to talk about anything with sign language. 

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Me and Chuuya were reading books in my room, in front of my large window. He was reading the book which I gave him, "The Illustrated Man". 

I was reading a book about psychology, trying to gain some understanding of the human mind. We were both in a peaceful and relaxed state, enjoying each other's presence and the tranquility of the moment. 

The sun was setting and the sky was changing colors, shifting from a deep blue to a vibrant orange. The light coming in through the window illuminated the room with a warmth and beauty I had never experienced before. 

We continued to read until the sun set. Chuuya stood up and stretched. Even though we didn't talk, I was not talking after all, I knew this moment had been special for both of us and that I would never forget it. 

Chuuya leaned over and kissed my forehead. "Thank you for this moment. I won't forget it." He said, his lips were brushing against my skin. It was like he just had read my mind... I nodded my head, smiling. It was beautiful to know that we shared the same feelings. I knew that this moment was one of the moments that we would both remember forever. 

We both knew that this was the start of something special and that our relationship was going to be something special. More than a therapist and patient relationship... We both shared a feeling of love and admiration for each other that was special and unique. We both knew that no matter what happened, we would always be there for each other and that our love would continue to grow. 

I felt a connection with him that went beyond casual words and I could see that something special was unfolding.

We stared into each other's eyes for what felt like an eternity and it felt like our souls were dancing together. The warmth of his touch, the look in his eyes and the way he made me feel was unlike anything I had ever experienced before... It felt like our fates were sealed together forever. I knew that no matter what happened, even if we were apart someway, we would always be connected in some way. 

"Good night, Dazai." Chuuya smiled at me.

I felt my cheeks heat up and smiled at him, wishing him good night silently. 

He gave me one last smile before going off to his room, leaving me alone in my room. I sighed, wishing I had the courage to talk, but I was too scared to doing so. 

I laid on my bed, thinking about Chuuya. I couldn't deny that I had feelings for him, although I didn't know how deep they went. I knew that he was a man, but I also knew that I was never interested in a girl before. 

One thing was for sure though... I wanted to be with him. 

I closed my eyes as I was slowly drifting into the sleep. 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

I will update the next chapter as soon as possible! 

I love you all ^-^! 

See you in the next chapters >~<~!