My Psychiatrist || Soukoku

4|| The Nameless Alley

Hello ^-^! 

It had been a while since the last update lol, but now that I finished, I will update every day! 

This chapter contains depressed thoughts, but I guess no need for warnings because of this. Still, if you feel uncomfortable, please don't read this chapter. I won't tolerate any hate comments. 

I hope you enjoy ^-^! 

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

Chuuya Nakahara

I stared at the two words which Dazai wrote on the pages of his notebook in confusion.

Nameless Alley.

I had no idea what he meant with this. Was it the name of a place? Was it a metaphor? I wracked my brain for an answer, but nothing came to mind. After a few minutes of thought, I decided to ask Dazai about it.

"What exactly is 'Nameless Alley'?" I asked.

Dazai chuckled lightly which could be barely heard and shook his head.

It's not a place, per se.

Dazai wrote on his notebook.

It is a state of mind. It is a metaphor for the loneliness and isolation a person can feel when wandering in their own thoughts. I named it "Nameless Alley" because I couldn't think of a better way to describe it.

I nodded in understanding. "So, it's like a dark, lonely place inside your mind that you can go to reflect." I surmised.

Exactly.

Dazai wrote again.

It is a place where I go to regain my clarity and center myself. It can be a difficult journey, but it's worth it in the end.

When I saw the pain in Dazai's eyes, I was suspected that this "Nameless Alley" was more than a metaphor, but I didn't want to insist since the pain in his eyes sealed my lips...

It felt like I had pierced deep into his heart and it broke my own heart at the same time... Sometimes it was better not to know certain things, especially when all that would be gained from knowing is more pain.

I understood that even when the pain in Dazai's eyes signified something deeper and profound, I had to stay silent and respect his personal boundaries. As his psychiatrist, hopefully I could be his friend now, I had to be there to comfort him without pushing him too much to open up.

It was clear that whatever happened there must have impacted Dazai greatly such that he still remembered it deeply and was not really willing to share it with me yet.

I respected his choice and told him that when he was ready to open up about it, I would be there to listen. In the meantime, I was going to offer my comfort, kindness and understanding to help him through whatever was the thing he was feeling.

I couldn't sleep that night. I tossed and turned in my bed. My mind was racing with the thoughts of the little communication I had with Dazai. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find any answer.

I eventually got up and decided to make some tea as a distraction. As I set up the kettle, my mind kept going back to the earlier hours of day. After what felt like an eternity, the water had boiled and my hot cup of tea. I took some slow sips and decide to write my thoughts down before investigating more.

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

I was really curious about what that "Nameless Alley" meant. Curious I took out my phone and googled "Nameless Alley". To my surprise, it was an alley located somewhere close to Dazai's home, since I didn't really expect to find something. The alley had a long and storied history: It was supposedly the site of a great battle during the Edo period and a meeting place for some notorious figures during the Taisho period.

My curiousity piqued so I decided to visit the alley and see if I could find some clue as to why it caught Dazai's attention. With that decision I made my way to the alley. As I walked through it, I took in the sights and sounds and I was surprised to find a certain atmosphere of foreboding and mystery about it. It seemed to be the kind of place where secrets were kept like a hidden place of refuge only known to a select few.

The alley had been neglected for some time, but something about it still felt familiar. As I took a closer look, I noticed that the walls of the alley were lined with old notes and drawings that Dazai had left behind. I looked around in wonder; it was obvious that Dazai had spent a lot of time here.

I realized that Dazai must have written down the phrase as a reminder to himself of a place he knew or had visited, but why this place and why was it important enough for him to write it down? I couldn't help but think that Nameless Alley was symbolic of something in his life, but the exact meaning of what was a mystery to me.

As I pondered the significance of the phrase, I thought back to stories I read about Nameless Alley during the research I made. I remembered that it was said to contain some dark secrets in its past that hinted at hidden mysteries. In a sense, I believed Dazai was hinting at the idea of his own secrets, referring to his own struggles with mental illness and his thoughts of suicide.

As I continued to explore, I noticed something unusual. On the other side of the alley, near the back, was an inexplicable symbol. A circle with a cross inside it. This symbol was something I had seen before in a notebook of Dazai's and the sign of it here felt like a sign.

I now understood why Dazai was so attached to this place. Despite its secluded location, it was a place where he could freely express without judgement from the outside world or from his parents. I was thankful that I had been able to find this special spot, even if it was a little late. It was clear that Nameless Alley had a special place in Dazai's heart.

Although I couldn't provide a definite answer on why he choose that phrase, I knew I wanted to walk the same path as him and embrace the namelessness in our lives. Even if it meant facing the darkness and uncertainity that came with it, I was ready to take on anything.   

⊱ ───── {.⋅ ۵♡۵ ⋅.} ──── ⊰

I hope you enjoyed the chapter ^-^! 

The next update will be tomorrow! 

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I love you all ^-^~! 

See you in the next chapters >~<~!