Sunset Lake {h.s.}

44

Rubbing the back of my crossed arms gently, I remained in my seat next to the gate. Announcements continued to blare out from the speakers above, calling out flights that were boarding or ones that were canceled. However an unsettling feeling rests in my gut, it's been constant since I left Harry's early in the morning. The ache in my chest would not relent. It burned without end to remind me of my loss— Harry. Although I wanted to cry, every time it started, it was like a door slammed shut, condemning my misery rather than letting me get it out. This was a new low for me. My heart has never weighed so heavy before.

I've barely been able to speak as Lainey hasn't been able to stop talking. She's so passionate about this next country. I don't want to be the person to take that away, yet she's the one who took my joy away. She doesn't know it so I can't hold it against her and I'd never do such a thing. I need to bottle these feelings away and hope that in a few months, I'll be able to breathe without feeling the tightness around my throat.

There's so much guilt hanging over me, a feeling I can't get rid of. I don't want to hold any resentment toward Lainey, especially since I never told her my true feelings. She's always believed this was our dream, and I never expressed how my plans changed. Lainey isn't the bad guy in this scenario, I am. I'm the one torturing myself. I decided to be quiet and shove my dream aside. I'm listening to those bitter voices in my head because they have convinced me if I don't go that makes me a terrible friend.

I can't throw Lainey aside, even though my heart is screaming at me to do it. My heart has never been one to conversate with my mind. Lately, though, it's been nagging at me to stay here. It's fallen in love with this city, with the people, and with a specific man. My heart beams with joy when I step outside to soak in the warmth of the summer sun. It skips a beat when I take in the beautiful architectural design of Positano. But, most importantly, it melts the second I feel Harry's presence.

Harry already broke my heart once, but I know it was a misunderstanding. It was his fear talking, not his true feelings. That's why I'm breaking my own heart because he is too polite to do it.

"I got you a lemonade," Lainey speaks, making my eyes drift toward hers. She stands in front of me with a shrug, hanging out an unopened glass bottle of lemonade she probably paid way too much for.

I reach up to take it from her hand, "Thank you," I mumbled, letting my hands fall into my lap.

"I'm excited, Tils. I never thought we'd make it to another country after Italy," She sighs heavily, plopping down into the seat next to mine.

"What do you mean?" I asked as my fingers fiddled with the metal cap of my drink.

"Honestly I thought you'd want to go home after the summer, you know, go back to your mom," Lainey confesses, throwing one of her legs across the other.

I scoff, shaking my head with no verbal response. I understood why she would think that, the person I was when arriving second-guessed everything. I would have let the guilt of leaving eat me alive if I didn't learn to let it go. My life would be so different if I never met Harry, and thinking that way scares me. I would have never learned my worth and value to this world. Maybe not everything about myself changed, I'll always be a people pleaser. I'll always do what others want from me even if I don't want to be this way. I have to, I can't break Lainey's heart. I'm letting myself rot in silent heartbreak to let her fulfill her dreams.