Sunset Lake {h.s.}

13

I walk along the rocky sand as I hear the water softly crash along the coast. I look up at the balcony of the winery to see people talking amongst themselves while enjoying a glass of wine. I smile to myself, feeling somewhat proud.

It brings me joy to know that people love coming to my winery. I've always wanted to create a place for others to come and feel as if they are far away from reality.

I've lived in Positano for a few years now. Everywhere you go in Italy is indescribable, but there's something about the Amalfi Coast that makes me feel at home.

If Heaven really was a place on Earth it would be here.

My mum brought Robert and I here to visit her side of the family when we were kids. Every time we came for the summer I never wanted to leave. I always knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life here.

I lay a blanket down and sit. Bringing the glass half full of rosé up to my lips, I take a sip. I stare out at the blue sea in front of me, while resting my elbow on top of my knee. It's pleasantly warm outside but with a cooling breeze.

My heart feels heavy. This used to be Dalina's favourite spot. I try to avoid sitting down here since what happened, but today I had to. I feel closest to her when I'm by the sea.

Dalina's soul shined when she sat by the water. I can still see her captivating smile, her skin glowing from the Italian sun.

She was too pure for this world, but she was taken away from me too soon. It's surprising to know that the thing you love most in this world could kill you.

I miss her.

After what happened I closed the winery for almost a year. I isolated myself from everyone and everything. My brother would come over every day to make sure I was taking care of myself, I wasn't.

That time of my life feels like a blur. I drowned myself in any type of alcohol I could find. My hair grew down to my shoulders. Piles of clothes filled the floor of my bedroom. My bed formed an indent from my body being glued to the mattress. I lost weight from not eating. The only thing that could cure my depression at that time was Dalina, but she was gone.

She is gone and I'll never get her back.

A part of me still lives in that darkness. My mind wishes I could go back into hibernation, but I can't. Robert is the reason I'm here today. If I didn't have him I would be 6 feet underground by now.

Everyone in this town turned their backs on me. I don't blame them for hating me. I hate myself too.

It took everything inside of me to come alive again. I never wanted to work here after the accident. This winery was our dream. She was my dream. I loved her so much that it hurt. Maybe that was why we weren't the same towards the end.

It hurt to love her.

The way I feel about Matilda doesn't hurt.

My parents always had a loving marriage. I used to watch them kiss in the kitchen, listening to Elvis. I grew up surrounded by love and laughter. I always got the sense that love was supposed to be easy.