Life As We Knew It

Chapter Eight

Letters From No One

[Back at the Dursleys'. Petunia and a bundled up Dudley come in.]

Petunia: [assuring a distressed Dudley] It's all right, sweetheart. It's all right.[They walk in the living room. Lyra and Vernon enter. Vernon slams the door and shoves Lyra against a wall, taking her hair.]

"Get off her you walrus"

Lyra: Ow!

Vernon: WHAT HAPPENED?!

Lyra: I swear, I don't know! [Vernon snarls] One minute, the glass was there and then it was gone! It was like magic![Vernon scoffs at this, shoves Lyra in the cupboard under the stairs and slams the door]

Vernon: There's no such thing as magic! [he blackens out the vent on the door][An owl flies into view and lands itself on a TV aerial on one of the houses' roof]

(Extended Version)

[The camera slowly pans up to reveal Dudley in his smartest school uniform, posing and smiling grandly.]

Petunia: Awww, smile. [She takes a photograph of him. She gasps in joy.] Vernon, just look at him. I can't believe it. In just a week you'll be off to Smeltings.

Vernon: Caveat Smeltona. Proudest moment of my life.

Lyra: Will I have to wear that, too?

[They draw their attention to Lyra]

Petunia: What, you? Go to Smeltings? 

[Lyra nods, questionably]

Vernon: Ha!

[They laugh in amusement]

"What's so funny" Bonnie asked confused.

Petunia: Oh, don't be so stupid, you're going to the state school where you belong. [Goes to the kitchen and fishes out a grey shirt in a boiler.] And this is what you're gonna be wearing when I've finished dyeing it.

"You don't belong in a state school you belong in Hogwarts and don't let anyone tell you any different" said James and Sirius simultaneously to Lyra who laughed.

Lyra: But that's Dudley's old uniform. It'll fit me like bits of old Elephant skin.

Laughter erupted in the hall as she said that, with the Weasley twins, Marauders and Kol clutching their ribs on the floor with laughter.

Petunia: It'll fit you well enough. Go get the post. [Lyra then heads to the hallway] Go!

"She's going stop trying to rush her." Lily said outraged.

(Normal Version)

[Lyra leaves the living room area into the hallway and picks up some letters, one of which had her name on it with her address of where she slept. Uncle Vernon and Dudley sit at the table while Aunt Petunia is busy fixing breakfast. Lyra walks in with the mail and hands it to Uncle Vernon, then walks to her seat with her letter.]

"You knew where she slept and you left her there" said James 

"We use self addressing quills, but after this I will make sure to check every single letter before they are sent this year, to make sure nothing like this will happen again" said Minnie fully serious and thoughtfully. 

Vernon: [after reading a postcard] Oh, Marge is ill! Ate a funny whelk.

[Dudley suddenly notices Lyra's letter and runs to grab it from her and give it to his father.]