Ending the Omnipotence Paradox

Chapter 7

The strategy briefing lasted nearly two hours, and in them, Kogami had caught himself staring thoughtfully at Akane on far too many occasions. His fingers were itching for a cigarette - he knew he needed to get out of that room, maybe hit a session with a sparring drone in the office gym for a bit to clear his head. The second that Officer Hanashiro dismissed the ops team they'd assembled, he made a beeline for the door; keeping his head down to try and avoid his old colleagues at all cost. He was nearly in the clear when he was suddenly intercepted by the familiar petite brunette he'd been dreading, an unspoken curse resounding within him at his misfortune.
"Mister Kogami," she addressed him reticently. Her gaze searched his for a moment, her eyebrows pulling together slightly at whatever she saw there.
"Inspector," he nodded in acknowledgment, his hands sliding into the pockets of his slacks as he waited for her to continue while others moved around them to leave.
"Could I speak with you for a moment, in private?" He saw her eyes move purposefully between him and Ginoza at her clarification, letting the Enforcer know that his protection was not warranted for their conversation.
"Yeah," he responded as his own gaze slid to meet Gino's surprisingly staid one. “Right this way, Inspector.”
He turned and stalked through the door with a petulant sigh, like a child who had been caught sneaking out of their bedroom window after curfew; not turning to see if she had followed until he made it down the corridor opposite the elevator bays. He pushed open a tinted glass door at the end of the hall and walked out onto an open veranda, not surprised to see it vacant at this time of day. He stopped at the edge of the balcony, reaching into his jacket pocket and removing a cigarette before lighting it and turning around to lean on the railing, facing her as she approached.
Akane had stopped just outside of the doors they exited through, pausing to watch him. A few silent, but not uncomfortable, moments passed as they studied each other; an opportunity Kogami was grateful for, but that also reminded him of Ginoza's earlier words.
"She was haunted by you…"
"Want one?" He offered as he exhaled a cloud of smoke, gesturing the cigarette in her direction. Her face scrunched in distaste.
"I don't smoke," she replied curtly.
"Hmm," he responded, trying to mask his response with indifference even though her refusal caused him anything but. He wanted to bring up Gino's accusation. Or the fact that he had gotten one from her when she'd found him in Shambala Float.
Instead, he just took another slow drag from the vice in fingertips, watching her silently again as he waited for her to talk.
"Kogami… what are we doing?" Her question was so quiet, he could barely hear it over the distant sounds of the city below them. She shook her head quickly before he could answer, her eyes shut tightly in obstinance. "No, that's a stupid question. Don't answer that. We have more urgent things to worry about right now, like how to succeed at this mission when you obviously don't trust me."
He looked at her in surprise, dropping his cigarette on the ground and putting the ember out with the toe of his boot.
"What are you talking about?" He asked incredulously as he took a few steps toward her. "Of course I trust you, Tsunemori."
She looked at him skeptically, making eye contact with him again.
“Do you, Kogami?” She questioned, uncertainty coating her voice as she wrapped her arms around her torso. "If you trusted me, why didn't you say anything about coming back to Japan? Why didn't you try to contact me or Ginoza or anyone here who cares about you? We could have tried to help. I'm not sure how, but we could have tried. We would have tried…”
The conviction in her tone made Kogami wince inadvertently, thinking again of the emotional hell Ginoza had said she’d gone through after he left while he'd been oblivious; her argument evidence of the scars he’d left behind when he’d been blinded by the need for revenge. A younger version of himself would have gotten defensive with her then, probably spewing some indignant nonsense about how he’d always told her to forget about him and that chasing him should have never been her concern in the first place.
But looking at her now, as completely different people than they were those years ago and yet somehow exactly the same, he knew he was truly tired of running from his life here.
"Akane…" he said on an exhale, his hands balling into fists as his arms suddenly ached to reach out to her. She inhaled sharply as her eyes snapped up to his, obviously caught off guard by her name leaving his lips. He knew he shouldn't move toward her right then, choosing to keep his distance and his self-control intact this time. "I never meant to hurt you," he continued sincerely.
"I know," she acknowledged with a pensive expression. He sighed in defeat, dragging his hand through his dark hair before letting it rest on the back of his neck.
"My reasoning doesn't matter; anything I said would just sound like hollow excuses to you now," he explained, hoping she wouldn't hear his next words as claims of innocence. "But I… I thought leaving was the only option. The one that would only affect me and let you and Gino and everyone else go about your lives as if I never existed."
"But we never asked you to do that, Kogami," she argued derisively. "On the contrary, I begged you to do exactly the opposite on more than one occasion, if you'll remember."
"You did, I know," he reassured her calmly.
"But you couldn't just come back and let me help you. Let us figure this out as a team. How to handle Sybil together for once and for all. And now we're here, and it's…" her words trailed off as she huffed warily, her hands coming up to grip her tensed shoulders.
He wouldn't interrupt her, couldn't as his words didn't seem to want to cooperate with him after hearing the edge of desperation that hid just behind her tone. Sure, he'd been fighting smaller battles against Sybil in other countries, doing what he thought he could from afar to help weaken the bastardized regime's hold on civilization as a fugitive. But he'd let himself forget that while he was out doing that, she was here leading the war head-on and constantly facing the brunt of corruption and injustice of this system herself. Relentless, steadfast, and perceptive, much like the rookie he knew four years ago, but now sharper, more methodical and calculated. And also, now more weary than he'd ever seen her before.
"I'm sorry for not being the partner you deserved, Akane," he spoke softly when she hadn't resumed her train of thought. Her eyes fluttered shut, her head dipping slightly as a small smile crossed her lips.
"You don't have to apologize for that, Kogami," she replied, an encouraging gleam in her gaze as it met his. "You were always exactly the kind of partner I needed you to be."
Kogami had seen many things during his time away, but such undeserved mercy as she was offering to him now would always catch him off guard. He wasn't sure that he would ever be worthy of the forgiveness she so easily spoke of, that she had evidently already given him. But he was certain then, as he mirrored her tentative smile with his own, that he'd made the right decision in coming home.