mercury reaches its morning peak

an apology.

that night, around a month before you stole my virginity from me, i woke up at ten pm to a text notification from you. an "apology" that rubbed me the wrong way

manipulated expression of guilt for being what you labeled as a "creep" when we first met at the start of high school

you never blatantly made a confession as to what you did

every abhorrent instance; just another cocky blue eyed boy emotionally abusing a vulnerable girl of color from an abusive home and no tangible sense of identity and self esteem

a girl who was depressed due to her life mission being to assimilate and strictly keep her eyes down to the floor. a girl who significantly lusted after idolization and a bit of validation

you wouldn't say it. was it because it's too hard to come to terms with being a serial abuser, a master manipulator, and someone who believed their father when he told you women are meaningless voids to use and discard?

with that being said, fuck your mockery of an apology for the sexual trauma you inflicted onto my life as such a naive age

I don't forgive you for any of it. but i forgive myself for not loving myself more