mercury reaches its morning peak

if you're reading.

i don't feel angry towards you anymore. well, occasionally i do

you traumatized me in a concerningly abnormal way for our age. that's why i didn't tell anyone for the longest time 

i felt ashamed. it wasn't supposed to count as abuse or sexual assault or domestic violence because we were never officially together and we were so young 

but i'm intelligent enough to know it doesn't matter if you are 12, if you are 14, if you are 17, or if you are 57 

abuse is abuse 

rape is rape

sexual harassment is sexual harassment

manipulation is manipulation

coercion is coercion

gaslighting is gaslighting

it does not matter whether you kept holding onto the idea that i was not the "perfect victim" in your eyes. reactive abuse is valid, and you pushed and pushed my mental sanity until i physically could not bear it any longer. just for you to use that to support your reasoning as to why i was the problem 

but maybe i am not the deluded one. even if i wasn't your picture perfect victim, i live with bits of betrayal and confusion all over my face. you will never confess this, but the post-traumatic stress that clings to me is all on you

all the suffering i nearly killed myself through is not a fabricated conspiracy my mind produced to sabotage your reputation, though you'll never be self aware enough to see that 

just know for years, i thought you would eventually be able to. what a silly thing, to expect from an angry creature made from abuse to be anything but what they've been presented with in their lifetime

i'm not responsible for your lack of memory that conveniently goes blank the moment you've done something that could be slightly criticized. i am not responsible for your lack of foundation in reality. i am not responsible for a single thing you did to me whether you remember it or not, you piece of shit