Sober to death

Chapter 11

The way to Minho's house was incredible, even at night.
With no lights nearby every star could be seen and Hyunjin was devouring every minute of their road trip there.

Reaching the house nothing had really changed since the last time they'd been here.
Maybe, some plants had died and the air was violently hitting his exposed skin making him shiver but even in the winter it felt like paradise.

"We are lucky we have a fireplace or else we would be sleeping on the car."

"Don't be overdramatic!"

"You are the one who's having goosebumps. Now, please run inside and make us some dinner while I make the bed and get the fire set."

"How-"

"There are already groceries in the house."

"You planned this?"

"Oh, Hyunjin-ah! You know me so well."

Indeed the house was filled not just with random groceries any house could have but with every snack and food Hyunjin adored.

Getting the ramen ready, his stomach was filling the silence of the house with hungry noises, yet all he could feel was fear.

Soon, Minho returned from upstairs where the bedrooms were and set up the fire.

They sat on the living room, the only light coming from the fireplace.

The boilling hot bowl of ramen provided a warmer feeling on Hyunjin's fingers almost as if it was begging him to move his hands and eat.
But how could he do that?
Minho... he was there beside him... he could be watching him...

As the anxious thoughts filled every corner of his mind, everything suddenly stopped when he felt a strong, warm feeling on his back.
It was actually Minho's back against his own, he was singing a soft melody while he also ate his food.

"Baby... please eat okay? I won't be watching you but we can still eat together... okay?"

Hyunjin's answer was the first bite of food he had in almost a week.

And as he focused on Minho's whispers everything stopped.

It was just the two of them and the warm feeling on the pit of his stomach.

"You know hyung... I haven't always been like that.
I wasn't always depressed and even now I...
Sometimes I forget how depression feels like.
Sometimes I am happy and passionate.
Sometimes I am just a normal person.
Sometimes I still get the feeling of wanting to hurt myself.
Sometimes I still want to die.
The point is the fact that... I'm neither scared nor happy about death. I am simply waiting for it to happen, I need it to happen. From the bottom ofnmy heart I wish for my death, yet everytime I find myself hesitating, because of you."

"Then keep on hesitating... for me Hyun, please."

"I am trying hyung... I really am."

.

Back in the dorms things weren't going so smoothly.

Instead of trying to make up, to talk things out the anger seemed to settle a thick layer of awkwardness and annoyance in the dorm.

No one could catch a break, everyone shouting at each other, blaming one another for things that were no one's fault.

And Jisung was caught in the midst of it all and upon that Hyunjin disappearing along with Minho didn't help him at all.
First of all because he really needed someone who would be able to understand him, Hyunjin.
And second of all he was scared... scared of losing Minho to Hyunjin and even though he'd never say it out loud; he was so in love with him and so jealous of his best friend he'd actually reconsider suicide.

"I know this look... I can also hear your thoughts from like five miles away."

"Chan... I'm sorry, I'll go."

"No, hey wait. Follow me."

"Where?"

"You'll see."

Soon they made it to a place he's never been before but he was so thankful for Chan for taking him there. The view, the stars, the soft breeze, it was lovely.

"Whenever you feel like you want to catch a break just tell me and I'll drive you up here."

"I can't lose them... I feel like if... I'll lose them both."

"I get it Sungie... just as much as you do."

"What are going to do now? What if they realize they both like each other? What if they become a couple? What if they stop talking to me, to us? What-"

"Stop... none of that is going to happen. Especially the last one, how could they ever get rid of us?"

"I guess only if we die."

"What a great way to make the night darker."

"I'm sorry. I'm so scared..."

"We'll find our way."

.

"Hello Jisung. How are you feeling?"