Sober to death

Chapter 8

"What!?"

"Hyunjin, I don't like it either-"

"No, that's too far. I am not. No!"

"I don't think we have a choice."

"But we should! I should have a choice. This is ridiculous!"

"..."

"I am not ready for a solo right now. "

"I know but-"

"No! It's gonna ruin everything, I don't want to!"

.

But of course Hyunjin's opinion didn't matter.
It never did.

So he was forced to record a song that wasn't and didn't feel like his.
He was forced to perform, to go on lives and on fancalls and fan meets.

At the same time he was pushed right into an ocean of hate comments and hateful gifts, if they could ever be called that gifts.

Yet for another time he chose silence. Everyone had been suffering for a long time because of him, he should just suck it up, deal with whatever coping mechanism he has developed and move on, like everything's okay.

.

"Hello Jisung, I wasn't expecting from you to request another appointment this week."

"I am sorry."

"No, if you felt like you needed to talk things out, this was the best decision. Now tell me, what has been troubling you?"

"I'm scared..."

"Of what?"

"I feel... almost just like before I- and I wanted to speak up, tell the others but I just couldn't find myself to do so and I- I didn't- don't want to..."

"Die?"

"Yes, that. I don't want that. I want help, your help, my friends' help."

"And this Jisung, is progress. Would you like me to inform Chan of these feelings so he and the others could keep an eye on you?"

"Yes, I would love that actually, I just couldn't bring myself to ask."

"And that's okay. Just having an appointment with me, talking about these feelings and asking for help is a big enough step already. You are doing great, even if you feel like you're not, I can see it Jisung, you are trying and fighting and it shows. I am proud of you... Hmmm, how about we schedule our appointments for this month twice per week? Till we make sure you feel alright enough to back to one per one or two weeks, like before?"
"Yes, let's do that."

.

There was a big talk that night back in the dorm.
A talk about Jisung's... feelings and slowly a plan was created to make sure he will be kept as safe as possible.

His door and at least the door of other two members should always be kept open.
At night someone should sleep with him, someone would make sure to hide most of the stuff that could be used for self-harm and another person should make sure he ate enough.

It had been two weeks already and everything was going pretty smooth, except one anxiety attack of Jisung's which he handled with the help of Seungmin pretty well.

It was night again. Hyunjin, was the one supposed to sleep with him today but he was still nowhere to be found, it had been already 1 a.m. and Jisung had started to get extremely worried.

He was in his way to Chan's room when he heard some noise from the bathroom.

"Hyunjin?"

"Oh, Sung. One moment, I'm shaving and I'll be in your bed soon, sorry for being late."