The Wrong Side of Heaven

Chapter 10

I can't do this.

Flashbacks from the crash fill my mind and my eyes fill with tears. My trembling hands quickly fumble with the seat belt buckle as I try to get loose. I can't do this again. I'm not ready. It hasn't even been six months yet. Jay's hand covers mine and I freeze. Him being beside me only makes the memories worse.

Just close your eyes and think about how happy your mom is going to be when you come home.

My eyes fill with tears as they meet his. "I had you then, and I've got you now. We're going to be okay," he says softly.

His head turns at the sound of the flight attendants voice offering us drinks. He accepts two, putting them on the tray in front of me before taking two more for himself. Raising a cup, he waits for me to reciprocate the gesture. I attempt to push all my worries aside as I reach for the cup. We bump our cups against each other before I quickly drink the liquid courage. I wince at the taste. It's awful and I'm not quite sure what it even is but I welcome it in hopes that it'll put me at ease. The next one goes down a bit easier. The plane begins moving as we head to the runway. My body instantly tenses. Jay takes my hand and interlocks his fingers with mine, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Tell me about your date."

His question catches me off guard. He's the last person I expected to ask my about my date. Especially considering how I completely ignored him during it. "Do you really want to know?"

"Sure. Devin is a good guy as far as I can tell and you deserve to be happy." I smile a little but it quickly fades when the plane begins its ascent. He squeezes my hand again. "Tell me."

"We went out to a nice Italian place for dinner," I say as my heart feels like it's about to burst through my chest. "It was delicious. He was very sweet."

He raises a questioning eyebrow. "That's it?"

The plane is officially in the air and so far seems to be smooth. My nerves calm only slightly. "We went back to his house for a few drinks then I went home." It seems like he has something to say but he chooses to remain silent. "How was breakfast with Amber?"

Am amused look appears on his face and he chuckles. "It was fine. Let's not make that a habit though. I try to keep a tight circle."

When I first met him, he appeared to be the ultimate bachelor. He has the looks, the money, the personality. Most women would throw themselves at him. "Got it. I'll get Kim's number on speed dial."

He shakes his head slightly. The flight attendant begins making rounds again so I release his hand to accept another drink before passing her the empty cups. "Not Kim either."

I furrow my eyebrows in confusion. "Why not Kim? You guys seem pretty attached to each other."

There's a long moment of silence. He sips his drink for a moment, appearing to be deep in thought. "The last thing I need in my life is thirty women claiming I'm their baby daddy or that I gave them some disease. I keep it close and clean. I get tested regularly and ask that my partners do too."

Fair enough. It's a valid point but doesn't explain why he doesn't want Kim around often. "But what about Kim?"

He shrugs. "We've known each other for a long time. We keep each other at arms length. She knows I don't want a relationship and she doesn't expect me to commit to her. She knows enough about my business where I can vent to her when needed but doesn't pry or get too involved. She only speaks when spoken to. She only comes over when I ask her to which is how I want it to stay. It's just easy. There's no nagging. She's also great in bed."

I take few sips of my drink as I consider what he said. I get where he's coming from but I can't imagine that'll make him happy in the long run. "You never want to settle down? Having a family of your own has never crossed your mind?"