Pilot

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"Serena I'm really not ready

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"Serena I'm really not ready." I tell my older sister as she throws all of her clothes into a suitcase. "Well you better be. In a few hours we will be back on the upper east side and thrown in the drama." She tells me. "Seriously Serena. Why can't we just stay here or even go anywhere else I just can't face everyone." I sit on my sisters bed and begin to recall all those memories in Manhattan. Serena sits down next to me and puts her hand over my knee, "everything will be fine. I promise. Plus we need to make sure Eric's ok. We can't leave him to suffer with mom." We found out recently that our younger brother Eric tried to kill himself. He was drowning in the loneliness and no one was there to pull him out. I knew we had to check on him but I still had my worries. "Well... what about Willow how's she gonna adjust to this big change." Willow was my 5 month old daughter. She was my whole life and I would do anything to protect her and make sure she's ok. I wasn't sure if this move to the huge city would be best for her especially with the gossip and scandals that went with it. "Come on, we need to go back, do you need help getting yours and Willow's stuff packed." Serena asks standing up again. "Uh fine, yeah please I would love the help. You don't even know how much stuff you need to pack for a baby." We begin to pack together until I hear wailing from the other room. "I'll go get her. Can you finish up her bag please?" I ask Serena. "Of course." I go to the other to see that Willow has just woken up. I pick her up out of her crib and bounce her up and down to calm her. "Shh, it's ok. You hungry baby?" I speak to her in a soft whisper as I carry her out to the kitchen and place her in her high chair so I can make her a bottle. "She ok?" Serena asks as she looks into the kitchen from my bedroom to see what's going on. "Yeah I think she's just hungry. I'll feed her and then let her play on her mat in the living room for a bit." I tell her. "Ok I'll finish up these bags then get ready to leave." Willows bottle finishes warming up and then I pick her up and go and sit on the couch. "Hi baby." I make silly faces at her causing her to giggle whilst her bottle cools a bit. I love her sweet smile and giggle. "Oh baby girl, you're too innocent for this awful world." I smooth her face and she stares at me and smiles. She definitely has the van der Woodsen looks with her greenish blue eyes and light hair people probably would never know who her father is. That's a question I always dread "who's the dad?" I never planned on seeing him ever again. I felt so guilty about depriving him of his beautiful daughter though. He would go mental if he knew so I wasn't sure what to tell him, if I was going to tell him at all. I feed Willow her bottle then place her down on her play mat while I helped Serena put the bags by the front door. I then pack up a small travel bag with all the essentials I need for Willow and strap her into a car seat ready to leave. "Ok let's head off." I say as we head out the door and lock the apartment for the last time. This decision was hard for me. I loved my apartment and the little life and memories we had built in it. I remember the day I brought Willow back there for the first time...

5 months earlier

We just got out of the taxi and we're stood in front of the apartment building. "Welcome home princess." I whisper to a tiny baby Willow In her car seat. "How you feeling?" Serena asks placing a hand around my shoulders. "Excited, nervous, everything." I reply. I felt so strange bringing a baby into that apartment. She was inside my body for about nine months and now's she's here. My perfect little princess. Serena says she looks just like my baby photos that mom has in the albums and I love to think that's she's a mini me. I felt surreal that I was responsible for a real life baby human. "Mom would have a heart attack if she found out about her." I tell Serena. "Don't worry about her at the moment, just focus on this perfect angel you have now." She was right. Mom will find out some day but for right now I just needed to get used to being a mom without her controlling me every move.

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