Somewhere in the Haze - Pablo Gavi

8. Chauffer

The next day I wake up with dread crawling up my throat. When water doesn't wash it down I look myself in the mirror and acknowledge that today I have to tell Jasper about the recent developments of mine and Gavi's fake relationship.

I drag my feet downstairs, a small skip to my step added when I find out I've woken up late enough to have the house to myself. Unfortunately that also means no fresh pancakes.

I wander over to the fridge, opening it to find the leftovers from yesterday. Opening the container I face the truth of them being tough and cold, but it's nothing a little microwaving and syrup can't fix.

As I wait for my food to warm up I debate how I can bring the situation up to Jasper. I need to make it sound like a good thing: we won't have to hide our relationship from anybody. Because it won't exist. But only for a little while.

The microwave starts beeping and I groan, even I know that's glorifying the situation. This would all be so much easier if I was good at keeping my feelings bottled up.

A few hours later I walk down the road leading to a little park. People often walk their dogs here, but this is where I asked Jasper to meet me so we can talk.

He asked about what, when I messaged him. I told him shortly, about us.

As I get onto the path surrounded by green grass I see him sitting on a bench in a white t-shirt, hands in the pockets of his blue jeans.

When he spots me approaching he stands up. "Hey." He smiles, but without his teeth and usual charm.

I press my lips together. "Hey," I respond, starting to walk with him.

"What did you want to talk about?" he asks.

"Us," I repeat quietly, knowing it's not helpful.

He waits patiently, mouth shut. 

"More so Gavi and I. Look, our managers changed their minds. They claim it's too risky for Gavi and I to see other people while we're pretending to date." Jasper doesn't say a word, his face composed, almost as if he expected this. "I tried to fight it," I start to talk faster, "but Gavi wouldn't side with me, said it was all for the better. I say it's bullshit." I pause, looking over at him to convey my sincerity. "I really like you. And I really want to be with you, but right now I can't give up this deal for my book. To earn that deal I have to play by their rules. Unfortunately for us, that means... no more us. But it's okay! This fake relationship will only last a few months, six tops. Then you and I can be together!"

He shakes his head ever so slightly.

"You said you'd wait," I say quietly, not wanting to use these words as amo. But I need the power they hold.

He finally looks over at me. "Adri you are a wonderful woman. You're beyond gorgeous and incredibly intelligent, we have so much in common; and I know I said I would wait." He pauses. "But I'm not going to wait for you to fall in love with someone else."

I stop mid step. He stops with me, one step later. "What are you talking about? I'm not-- Gavi and I aren't like that."

His expression does not change when he says the last words I may ever hear come out of his mouth, "Don't kid yourself Adri, I see the way he looks at you and the way you are around him." I want him-- need him to explain more, but without another word he continues walking down the path, leaving me standing, breathless in his wake.

As I walk home I overthink everything Jasper said to me in the park. How he won't wait for me, but more prominently how he thinks Gavi and I are falling in love with each other.