I Hope There's Love in Letting Go

Dear Body

I'm so scared of breathing 
'cause my lungs are so full 
of tears I swallowed down 
'cause I could not let them out. 

Now it feels like I'm drowning 
and there's no air left at all. 
I've gone empty and hollow; 
been set alight, but burned out. 

Felt my legs give up walking, 
now they just let me crawl 
from a fate that keeps knocking, 
that I keep on trying to stall. 
Though I think that I'm breaking, 
I will tell you I'm trying 
past the blood, past the aching 
though it feels like I'm dying. 

And though my heart is still beating, 
feels like it fails me all the time. 
It keeps missing a beat 
and pretends it's not mine. 
But my body keeps waiting 
just to get left behind. 
And I'm not sure life's sweet, 
or this one was ever really meant to be mine. 

I can't hold myself together 
when my hands keep on shaking. 
One day I hope that I'll feel better, 
but that hope has started fading. 
And I know that I'm built 
to heal and to cry, 
but I can't shift the guilt 
and I no longer think it's not mine. 

And though my heart is still beating, 
feels like it fails me all the time. 
It keeps missing a beat 
and pretends it's not mine. 
But my body keeps waiting 
just to get left behind. 
And I'm not sure life's sweet, 
or this one was ever really meant to be mine. 

Can't seem to detach. 
Can't fight and can't fly.
Each touch leaves a scratch, 
and nobody tells me why. 
Think I'm under attack 
and everybody else stands by. 
I see me look back, 
but look past where I tried. 

And I know my heart is beating, 
but it fails me all the time. 
It keeps missing a beat 
and pretends it's not mine. 
And my body keeps waiting, 
just to be left behind. 
I'm not sure life's sweet 
or that this one is mine.  

'Dear Body' - 10/09/23
<3 <3 <3 <3