I Hope There's Love in Letting Go

If You Go

The eggshells under my feet 
are crushed and covered in blood. 
It's why I walk a little off-beat 
and can't feel air in my lungs. 

And this devotion in my eyes 
only ever burns my cheeks. 
And if I give the best advice, 
then why did you still try to leave? 

Maybe all I know is that 
I hold your hand on the drive home, 
and I won't stop, or let it go. 
I know I should be holding 
the steering wheel. 
At least, this way, if you go, 
I know I'd go too. 

But that's so wrong. Right? 
To tie your life to mine? 
But what the hell would I do 
if I no longer had you? 

You'd tear a whole out of me - 
atoms, and all. 
You don't know how lucky 
I am to love you at all. 

But maybe all I know is that I 
hold your hand on the drive home, 
and I won't stop, or let it go. 
I know I should be holding 
the steering wheel. 
At least, this way, if you go, 
I know I'd go too. 

Maybe it's why my chest hurt that day; 
almost like our souls share a doorway. 
Like the breath out of you took the breath 
out of me. 
Like the hurting in you became the 
hurting in me. 

And I know that you doubt it, 
but I won't go away. 
I could stand at your side 
as we walk day-to-day. 
No matter the weight, 
swear I'll keep yours away. 

I really hope that you'll want 
to be alive someday. 

But maybe all I know is that I 
hold your hand on the drive home, 
and I won't stop, or let it go. 
I know I should be holding 
the steering wheel. 
At least, this way, if you go, 
I'd go too.  

I'd go too. 

'If You Go' - 22/05/23.

2 weeks ago I almost lost my best friend to suicide, and it has been one of the most devastating experiences in my entire life. If you're struggling, please, please reach out because there are a world of people willing and wanting to help you. There's not a thing I wouldn't do for her, and it breaks my heart that she doesn't understand that. I don't know what I would do without her and I'm terrified that one day, I'm going to get a call to say that's she's gone. I couldn't imagine anything worse.

Please speak up. Reach out. Hold on. The fear of your love ones is unimaginable.
Please stay alive.